Wings of Absolence

My dad

2010-05-27T18:57:00.001+08:00

Can't believe that i would actually blog about the person who has caused the most hurt to my family and myself.

I hate him to the core for hurting my mom, sister and even myself.

Why? Let's just say that I just hope he's mentally unstable and what he does is not of this world.

He's the destructor, breaker and the tormentor of the household.

18 years of torture, 18 years of tears, 18 years of hate, 18 years of scars.

How many times have i already kill him in my mind... should we go to hell I'll make sure i'll take u there.

Whitewind no more.... I've becomming Black.

I hate you dad.

What do you want from me.

2009-09-15T02:24:00.000+08:00

1 year has passed,

From the abrupt start of our relationship.

But yet now when our relationship has come under such pressure and uncertainty,

You chose to just stand there and let your mind slowly engulf itself with all the WRONG thoughts.

Believing others then the one you love most.

Unknowingly showing and also giving me the thoughts that you should be even well off with another guy.

Making me feel that I'm a fool again.

I endure, I resist, I suck it up, WHY?

Because I LOVE YOU.

Yet it seems all I do can never make you feel secure..

Do you really, really want me at all...

The bottle in my heart slowly... feels like exploding but yet with no one there to cap it back... whats the use.

Sad Sad SAD!

1 year passed... and you forgot how it was being happily in love...

You slowly eat away the heart that understands you...

Please just tell me what to do...

It's goodbye to my personality for good.

2009-06-05T00:08:00.003+08:00

So long since i last blog.

So little that I will now type.

It all goes back to square one doesn't it.

Once again another promise will be added to the list.

I cant help but thinking,

I held up my end of the deal yet it's not the out come we both desire..

Seems that no one would and ever will understand.

So i have given up.

This cold heart of mine actually feels quite pain and "suan"

but i guess it might be the last time i'm feeling it.

Think by the time this post got read, I hopefully would have recovered.

Guess u cant really wipe out a person personality with just a 1/8 tank of determination.

I shall just fade out and disappear into the heartless being that I am.

2009-04-09T00:18:00.002+08:00

I wonder if i really am that good.

I don't think I am.
It hurts.
I could try a million and one ways to bring your mood up permanently, but end up finding a million and one ways to make you happy for that moment.
I lost to a big hello kitty.
Really hope you would enjoy today... really...

=-0

2009-04-03T15:22:00.000+08:00

Simple guy

Simple thinking

Simple Story.

Gone without out a sound, without a trace.

Like shadows in the fading light.

It was a good run...

As time goes by.

2009-03-31T18:25:00.003+08:00

I feel that I'm an on looker these days.

Looking at things from a different point of view.

But sad to say.. there are things which i should look from only my view and not others.

I wonder if i can broaden my thinking and think if many more ways, ways in which i never seem to see that existed.

But now maybe swayed with unstable feelings my point of critical thinking has been failing me.

I really wonder... if you really understand me.. (knowing that these thoughts are bad).

But on a serious note.. How many do really know the true me..

I 've played my cards well enough to hide myself.

But only a handful can see through my masks.

I really need to be stronger emotionally, spiritually, and also bodily.

I lead a simple simple and once again simple life....

The day I gave up being me.

2009-03-10T02:09:00.004+08:00

Whatever i do seems to bring you uncertainty.

Whatever I say brings you doubt.

Everything is my fault.

Seems that no matter how hard you please someone,

How hard you pour out your feelings to someone else,

all is for naught. [ You just get hung out to dry ]

All seems inevitable,

I have to give up my personal interest and well being.

For when I want something in my interest,

I have to think for others.

When I think for others, I forgo my interest.

Don't worry I still be me in the flesh.

Date: March 10 2009
Description : The day I gave up on being me.

.................................

2009-03-08T00:55:00.001+08:00

I don't know what to believe anymore...

2009-02-22T21:22:00.004+08:00

You could give someone you love everything and receive nothing in return.

You can endue the hardships of life with that someone only to find that it's all nothing but just pure endurance.

Acceptance is never on the top priority list.

I slowly running out of motivation, endurance, acceptance, and everything.

Guess that all that's important to you is my voice, my presence and me being there.

I was once sure... Now I'm just confuse.
I understand you by bit yet i can't seem to see that you try to understand me little by little
I' sick , tired, and worn out but yet you...5 months and you still don't understand me
What else must I do...
Guess this is wad you call tough love.

The day...

2009-02-07T16:48:00.002+08:00

Ytd was quite an interesting day,

Had a serious talk with my girlfriend.

Well the incident is basically lying to me just to make muffins.

The talk was simple but evolved into more then that.

Realized that the past 5 mths plus quite life changing.

Was totally shocked and scatter when i heard she was totally fearful of the relationship.

And that she didn't "believe" in me. (in a sense).

I just that was all I could take and broke down into tears.

It made me realized that what ever I did was not enough to reduce or remove the fear in her.

But gave it an adverse effect and allowed things to get worst.

We talk things out in the end and I guess I reached the point in which I don't know how or what to do.

I can only say.. I'll be whoever you want me to be.

Ever changing would be the correct term to say.

Can't believe that I've lost the main origin of who I am.

Guess that's what you call a silly and stupid person.

Moving on to move recent events, well I just got stood up by mark... Called me to go over to do some installation and yet no response from his handphone and knocked on his door till his neighbour got a bit startled.

Another inicident was that on thus i failed my nafa... Even if the 5 stations I took had gold or silver points but i still could not finish the 2.4km run. Guess that this clearly show that i am longer the old me who could do it under 10 mins.

Sadly.. I retired on the third round at the time of 3mins 09 sec plus... due to serval chest pains... Time for some hard core training when i enter army i guess...

There's the annual gathering later on... Wonder If i have the mood but it seems I've lost all mood it seems... Mum's asking me why i didn'y eat the bread she made... Well simple... how u expect me to eat so little when i see no point in eating... Sometimes... I really wonder...

Guess the only thing left to do is basically rot, study, and be ever changing...

Many more things I would really like to say but i can't... i hate it.

When will I really think for myself.. and only me...

Grad's comming up real soon...

Army's not too far away..

Health is slowly going down the drain.

and yet all this seems to not matter to me.

For satifiying others are more important.
Not being the real me....

It's come to this.

2009-02-01T14:13:00.002+08:00

Simple things,

Complicated things.

Things that I can do,

Things I can't.

Stuff that I'm allowed to,

Stuff that I aren't.

Where is this going you might ask..

Sometimes I really wonder.

But then again... My goal still is...

So this is where I have to say...

Would you honestly take a chance with me and let me romance with you?

Life's such a troublesome fact.

People contradict themselves everyday, every time.

When will they realize that their emotions are always the one that let them cloud their view.

It's sad... really sad...

So what's left now, well it's simple.

I shall just stick to my goal with determination, motivation and none the less perseverance.

I've fallen.

But how far will i fall?( will you be there like you said?)

That's the question.

I'm awake, I'm awake.

Till another time... Till another time...

My actions

2009-01-29T19:43:00.002+08:00

I need time to reflect.

Seems like a major issue has risen.

What ever words I say now Means nothing.

I will step back.

For my actions are undeniable.

If it must be then I will take the burden of everything.

The music must be faced.

Interesting mth.

2009-01-29T18:37:00.003+08:00

haha Quite an interesting mth.

Many things Many things.

Seems things is goning to get somewhere.

Well recently it's music for the win.

And... this time... this one comes into mind frequently.

Bury - by Pay money to my pain.

Wanted something I can't take.
I'll be stronger once again.
Don't worry about me. Trust me.
Please trust me now.

Now I have to see it.
This is for my love.
Open this heart and my mind.
Let me believe.

Now I have to listen again.
This is for my love.
Remember why I'm still in here,
'Cause it's all for you.

When it's something I can take Yeah..
I'll be stronger once again.
I need you...
I'll give you my love.
You can live your own life for you.

Shall see what else is installed and whether I can get a pass for my retest hahaha
Cranky equipment...

Yesh...

Cheers to all and yeap shall see what this year has for us.. truly..

OH and YEA I CAN REALLY EXPLAIN!!! >.<"

=-'(

2009-01-23T00:52:00.002+08:00

Lots of stuff to update.

But for now i shall say this.

I know i'm not the old me anymore.

Failed to stop change.

Yeap Failed.(Drowning in sorrow,)

Sand has now turned to dust.(No tomorrow, no tomorrow)

Waiting for that strong wind to blow me away.(I won't be a hassle to you)

Thanks Gloria for the wonderful Mon.
Thanks Van for the wonderful Tues.
Thanks Dear for the wonderful Wed.
Thanks Xin Ting and Yw for the wonderful Thus.

-Dissidia-

2009-01-14T14:39:00.002+08:00

-THE MESSENGER-
by :Your favorite Enemies

The Messenger is standing at, Standing at the gate.
Ready to let go, Ready for the crush, The Messenger.
Too late for whispers, Too late for the blush.
The past is mercy, When the future is aglow.
(Won’t you let it go)

Kneeling jury, Dressed in a cloak of shadows.
The hunting’s grim for the innocent eyes.
Communion’s pray is a cup of sorrows.
But faith is colours, For the humbling cries.

The spirit is over town, Waiting for me to hit the floor.
Blooming white sky for the voice of one calling tonight.
Tonight fate is the red crown, The red crown around your door.
Time is scattering the seeds of the morning daylight.

The Avenger is roaming through, Roaming through the land.
Ready for the clash, For the lasting gash, The Avenger.
Mothers kissing sons With a staff in hands.
The bride is shining, When the groom is gold.
(Won’t you let it go)

Shining worship choked in the wave of silver.
The offering’s grief for deceiver’s pride.
Salvation man is a cup of fire.
(Hope is the start.)
But hope is the start, Of a morning tide.

The spirit is over town, Waiting for me to hit the floor.
Blooming white sky for the voice of one calling tonight.
Tonight fate is the red crown, The red crown around your door.
Time is scattering the seeds of the morning daylight.

The pilgrims are gathering the marching band, The marching band’s howling.
Compassion is the flag a righteous man, A righteous man will hold.
The pilgrims are gathering the marching band, The marching band’s howling.
Compassion is the flag a righteous man, A righteous man will hold.

The spirit is over town, Waiting for me to hit the floor.
Blooming white sky for the voice of one calling tonight.
Tonight fate is the red crown, The red crown around your door.
Time is scattering the seeds of the morning daylight.

Powerful song.

2009-01-11T00:32:00.002+08:00

Celling ain't falling yet.

Body's taking a beating.

All that I got,

Just feel so weak.

I need to recharge.

Will this ever end?

All that awaits you is a somber morrow

No matter where the winds may blow...

Current status

2009-01-10T21:08:00.001+08:00

Warning letter received for the first time in 3 years of sch life.

Severely under the weather.

Head's spinning round and round.

When O when will the celling drop.

2009-01-07T16:20:00.000+08:00

"“Interesting” is the word that Eileen uses to describe her life in School of Hospitality"

Eileen have widen her knowledge through participated several Creative Engagement activities. In the events such as F1, she has been exposed to different situation in serving different types of customer from different countries. This has widened her experience in the service industry which is closely related to her course of study. At the same time, participating in such events help her in widening her social circle and boost her confidence levels. Additionally, through the daily presentations she is exposed to, her language proficiency and the way she presented herself have improved tremendously. With the help of the problem based learning, the knowledge she have acquired is way beyond books. Eileen feels very fortunate that she is able to pursue her interest in customer service and the relationship in between customer in SOH. Being able to be developed intellectually and socially, it serves as a motivator for her to be a value asset in the service industry.

SHOCK~~ AH~~
EEK!
Speechless!

RP

2009-01-07T14:09:00.003+08:00

Currently in RP now.

Just ate the food and let me tell u it's horrific!!

Waiting for her now still got abt 3 hrs plus.

AYe 3 hrs of not sleeping... Interesting

WISP today was kinda interesting and I didn't know that a movie in which i watch a year ago would be used in class.

It's call "paradise now"

Seems this 5 wks short sem is going to be a busy weak.

Guess that I'm gona feel helpless and weak for this sem

Understanding the past, learning the present and craving the future.

The new year.

2009-01-04T19:49:00.002+08:00

Things come by and go.
I have stayed behind
Nothing much stays the same.
I would never change.
Everything should take a turn for the better.
Glad that you people can move on.
Life's gona hit the big 2 this year.
I hope to bring everyone joy
Really hope I'll be better and yet more of myself.
To be a blessing to others
I shall end this short post with a line I posted 3 years ago.
I'm a man of the past.
Against all adversity, Would you care to dance this endless waltz with me?
Slowly left to be forgotten.

The new year.

2009-01-03T02:56:00.002+08:00

Late nights out with different people.
I won't let you have what you want
Interesting things done at different times.
The wrong thinking of yours has got to stop.
What more could wacky things be installed in the year ahead.
I won't allow this year to be ruin by you.
Before long it's gona be grad, then followed up by army.
I will do anything to keep this family
Let's see what will happen next.
There's nothing you can do about it.
Would anyone dance this crazy dance with me?
For you are going to be a lonely sad angry man.

The last day of 08

2008-12-31T02:20:00.002+08:00

The last day of 08 and I read this from my GF's blog.

i m .c.a.r.e.d.
will be seein daddy in the next following weeks....
having mixed feeling right now....
i HTDS....B... - have to do something?? but
i DWTLY.... - dont want to leave you?
i RLYVM... - really love you very much
i HNCIKY....B... - have no confidence in ??keeping?? you but
i WYCFH....B.... - ???????
i WTGIM....B...its not... - will try giving it my best its not
i CEMYHWUASOE....B.... - ????
i RRDWTLY.... - really really dont want to lose you
are u aware?? - Yes i am and I am trying to find out why.
('-")
hoping dear's work is okie..
*loving u more n more...*

I don't know what's left to say. I'm puzzled.
Angry, Sad..
Tiring day. yet such stuff.
Delighted, Happy
Tell me what's wrong.......
These emotions...
Maybe just Maybe I'm not good enough for you? Do you know how to treat me when I'm feeling that way?

The end is near.(Part 1)

2008-12-30T01:44:00.003+08:00

The year is ending with just a few days left.

Many stuff has happened in this year.

From Sadness to happiness to sadness again.

Time just flew past just like that.

I guess i've changed somewhat even if i didn't want to.

Change is for the good, right? (I guess)

I've become unexplainable I guess.

As my nick goes, Bad start, Bad finishing.

I just really hope I can move on with things that happen.

Regrets , Regrets, Regrets. Promises , Promises , Promises.

The only thing left, take it all upon myself and move on. ( Gotta move on)

I'll be there for you people no matter what. (Whatever means possible, front or shadows)
Eileen, Esther, Si'en, Xin ting, Elim, Gloria
I'll make sure that will happen. ( I swear I do)

For I am not important, therefor it would happen.

Stuff.

2008-12-22T22:50:00.002+08:00

Holidays are ard the conner with only like a few days left.

I guess this year would be quite a quiet one for me.

Hoping for anything extra this year?? Nope says me. Think I can live with that.

It's human nature after all ain't it?

Revamp of one of my few home grown recipes and yeap comments is definitely needed.

Guess I don't have much to say or at least I cant type it out here.

Really hoped that I could just move on, I really do. But somehow somewhere.. well and it goes on and on and on.

Maybe, just maybe.

Let's see whose the one
That could put a smile
on my face
this season.
~.~

My Voice, My thoughts, My feelings

2008-12-19T14:35:00.002+08:00

This has gone too far, too off and too wrong. So i go the freaking plumbing problem fix. Solve the neighbor dispute of the leaking celling. Contacted HDB and screw them up. And now you freaking say that I go let them change the bloody stuff in the freaking house. PLEASE! Look at your freaking self. You think you bloody dam hell can go on early retirement with that freaking plan of yours? NO FUCKING WAY!

NO ONE GIVES A FUCK about anything in the freaking house? Fine so i took time off, didn't meet firends, didn't go back to sch, didn't continue doing the project at hand all for this. And yet you don't give a shit and only come in to whine on the problem after IT's DONE??? WHAT THE FUCK!

Firstly you dont give a dam about this family, You stop working why? Cause you couldn't be bothered about getting another job. You thought that you could have life easy now.. Think you work hard and all that. BUT GET IT STRAIGHT, YOU ARE NOT THAT FREAKING BIG. Smoke away all your $$$ thinking its infinite is it. THINK AGAIN. You cant even look at people straight in the face.

This shows me only one thing. No one cares. No one.

With a family that shows no signs of love, care , concern, what else is there to do? Certs certs certs.... thats all they want. Everything falls back onto the same line.

Life is not about the things you want.
It's about how you give others what they want.

Now my sis is back trying to be smart by calling the HDB again without even asking my view or status of our kitchen. So you care now a bit too late ah. Same thing. I'm not even noticeable. great so views are not respected. right.... Fine.... I not going to step out anymore. You people can just screw yourselfs and then try to unscrew.

1 day without eating, 1 night without sleep. Tell me please when can i rest. Just how much more can I take ? I really wonder. I said once that I was better in the shadows, Now I am out in the light it hurts, it really do.

Maybe just maybe I wasn't meant to be.

More stuff

2008-12-18T02:03:00.002+08:00

Went to bowl some balls on Tues. It was kinda fun to play bowling again. Jo met up with me and we threw 4 games into that warm cloudy afternoon. HAHA Lost the first game for some uber weird reason but the normal playing style is still there. Spare the first lining for the win! Then it was double XXs for the 2nd game and the 2 other games as well. Sianz la almost got a turkey for the last game. So far my average for bowling doesn't seem to change yet. still hitting at abt 127 - 130 per game. Dam.. seems kinda low. How i sure wish I could curl bowling balls and hitting strikes like a piece of cake and also having scores of like 200 + per game. Even at my best I only bowled a 191. AH!!! :-(
Commitment is what I want.
Went for an early dinner next at LJS. Man.. the chickens were like small shit! What the hell is LJS doing! When were the chickens this small! Fires were soggy too. Ah.. BAH! Then the taught came to our mind to play pool. We wanted like only a couple of hours but we ended up playing buffet rates. HAHA 6 hours of total OWNAGE! MAN 22- 15 for 9 ball... ah.. crap i actually lost! and 9 -6 for pool HAHA i won that at least. Seems like I am able to almost one cue in pool. Maybe becuz that Jo seems like a super duper strong player. AH~ Shall pract more soon my brother we shall enter a tournament.

Cycled back and dam it was good. Full outer and like on my piece of crapy bike. HAHA one hell of a work out!

Stayed home today and my gf came over. Kitchen was totally flooded. Stupid pipe problem. Got rid of the water like I was abandoning ship with a pail of water to make the place afloat. Sighs. This seem like way way too cartoony. Tml the pipe will be fix hope that bugger calls the town council and gets the pipe fixed. Gyming tml at 11 man I sure need those eggs! Time to be strong, stay healthy and keep fit. Time to really get most of my shit together. I will not go down like this.
But you failed to realise that.

You ask me why am I like that,
I replied you with the same answer, Stop and look at yourself
What have you become. Speak to me when you finally realise that.

Woot

2008-12-15T10:35:00.001+08:00

Drank the night away.

Sang the night away.

and now Stoning the day away???

The question that one should now ask is... Why am I here ??

Good Morning! and Hello Afternoon!

2008-12-13T11:26:00.003+08:00

Haha second post his morning!. USH! Went gym in the morning and now cooling off at home! Feeling great. Long time since I felt this refreshed in the morning (more like long time since I woke up at 8 on a Sat) . HAHA

Showed mark how to do some simple circuit training. He still has some chest problems but well hope he toughen it out. Be consistent dude! You know who will support u from the back! USH! Hint hint.

Guess I stay home for the day. Nothing much and no one would need me anymore for the day I guess. Dear should be at the prize ceremony right now. Don't fall asleep just cuz your name is one of the last few. Glad that she did quite well.I hope I dont pull her grades down =(

1 week to go. Pushing my self to the max. Time to sun tan with some 30+ year old guys. LOL. Guess it's a sad fact that I can clique well with older people. Be it my mentality or personality, it dosn't matter. What does is that at least I can be "understooded". =)

Gona like do some more light training later in the afternoon should time permits. It's seriously time for a change. To be the old and fit me. Should I disappear, Should I be gone ? Time will tell. But I don't think 2 people will ever let me. (You know who U are).

Everybody's got their problems,
Everybody says the same thing to you.
It's just a matter of how you solve them,
And knowing how to change the things you've been through.
=)

New Skin

2008-12-13T03:10:00.000+08:00

Lots to say. But quite tired doing this simple skin. Adding stuff and getting the coding rite. Wonder why people post some weird coding when its like 70% complete. Will blog tml that's for sure. Many things I have not expressed yet. Time to really reflect.

It's getting harder,
Time to really buck up.
I really miss the good old fays.

After all this time....

2008-12-09T23:02:00.003+08:00

The days that past, the events that went on, the things that happen... Many things left unsaid, many things left undone. Sometimes i wonder... are these all really happening. If so... why around me.

Sch's quite happening with all the things going ard. Groups come by and go so do people. WISP went well with assignment 1. A for that. LAb test for AR is like gone case... but with moderation i will get at least B + i think. Now WLT is like 17 hours away and nothin can get into my head. I wasted away 1 day by just slp it off. Why... aye... Simple.. I have stuff on my mind.

Really... what do i want from a girl. Most people want that special someone to be at their expectations and also there are those that ppl want to live up to their criteria. But somehow, even though i ask nothing at the start, i still changed to what i see fit to be with you. Sometimes i really wonder to myself... I 've gotten into this relationship because I have feelings for you. And I'm sure I 've gotten more and more attached to you. But to not spend impt dates and days with you is something I am strongly against. Being unable to hold your bag, send you home, and spend quality time is really ripping my heart to pieces.
How long would our love last?
Putting that aside, I dont really want to talk much now. Study is what I need to do but yet my mind is clouded by these matters of the heart. I really need someone to pull me through these.
I really need you...
There are those that would like to command a team but fail in thinking every possible outcome. Reflection is what he needs to do i guess. Teaming up with the ones you trust also needs some training. Nothing is absolute and nothing is written in stone.
And I don't want to lose you...
I 've been gyming and now my current weight is 56.7 . 1.7 kg of muscles. Yet its not enough. MY blades are still weak and injured. My health is still weak. Yet I will try to be that strong me of the past. I really think I am no longer the Me that I would like to be. Wrong ideas, Wrong think, Lack of control, Lack of motivation, the inability to change to the one that i grew up to be. If being myself is not what is required, I just fade into the failing light. Without a sound, Without a trace making sure I won't affect your life.
My heart cries out...

I really want to spend
The special days with you.
='(

Updates! Updates!

2008-11-26T01:19:00.003+08:00

Ok loads to update but so little time.

WEll firstly.... currently at my gf's place. Came over to help her set up her internet once again. Seems like some one really overloaded the extension plug. Couldn't open her cpu as the warrenty seal is still there.. Well dear.. hope u still have the warrenty on that. Makes things ezier you see... hahaha

Ok.. Moving on... This week at sch is really kinda hectic.... the half cram sem mods are almost comming to an end. Means.... AR whooo finally is gona be over this sat. Lab test to go.. haha.... online ones as well. Next week is MSN haha... hope the switching is much better and ezier then routing.

Last thing to update before i slp . SHe made hearts for me... ah.. and gave me in a unique jar.. >.< I wonder how would i amaze her. Well.. tml will be the pre-celebrations hope i planned everything out fine...

XT- YOu're back =) Meet up soon!
Van - YOur're back... chill out soon k?
Si'en -Get well ya? no more being sick. Stay safe as always... Miss you!
Esther - JIE MEI ! when are you gona bring me to meet your BF.... Xiang NI WOR!!
Eilm - Happy brithday once again!

Sleepy Tues

2008-11-11T18:17:00.004+08:00

You know it's quite an interesting sight to see at every Tues lecture.

The first lecturer rants on and on and on about discipline. Whereas the second lecturer just feels high, happily enjoying his own world.

Train rides to sch are quite amusing as well. People wanting seats that badly, people wanting to move to the centre when there's no space left. Ah yes... and those that really stink badly in the morning. (IF you know what i mean)

Class was quite boring and had a splitting headache, definitely a migraine. Ah... as usual slept through AR lecture. So much for waking up early... haha (thanks dear for the morning call).

Meet my God-Sis ytd, quite a funny one i should say. Played pool in my most tired state and what a trashing i got from her friend's boyfriend , Beyond. Interesting name eh. Had dinner treated by my mei. HAHA EUNOS CHICKEN RICE FOR THE WIN! lol... Rojak was okok only. haha.. I wanted the peanut cripsy pancake! On the other hand. Maybe what's said is ture.. haha i dont really know.. but well... since there is someone after you let him try. We all get courted once in a while and they dont come that often. If you really don't like him then do nth to lead him on. OK? haha and Maybe someday you might actually make me laugh til i cry. Till then don't give up ya? XD

Well all in all my plans are being push back a day or 2. Got to get them running! Or it just might be....

Misses everyone close to me.

Love you always Dear.

3:35am

2008-11-09T03:35:00.003+08:00

It's 3:35 am.. And I am not asleep. I still up staring at the dark black ceiling. It's raining outside. Raining hard. Lighting and thunder roars throughout the early morning sky. Once again I am still wide awake.

My PSP D-pad's up key is gone. I am unable to press up that easily anymore. MY Evo 8's gear ain't cutting it. It just wont move. My laptop is getting pretty much laggy'ier that ever... seems 512 mb of ram is just not enough.

Everyone should be sleeping at this time yet I am up. Mood starts to swing and thoughts flood my mind. School's kinda tight nowadays. Being at the elite end ain't what i want. Knowing too much is a problem. How to stay this high... i wonder..... Why am i doing all this one might ask. I am actually doing it for you. I shall not tarnish the reputation that you have. I have to allow people to feel proud that I am your special one. Maybe just being the average guy just don't quite cuts it.

Things aren't the way they were before, I suddenly realize that I am turning 20 in like 5mths. After poly it's army. And after that what? Finding a job? Study is definitely impossible. Sometimes i wonder why am i restrained to things that i am able to do. Having the ability but not have the authority to do what i want to do really makes one feel crapy. Yet again not doing it shows what..? Sign or arrogance? Sign of willfulness? Or plain childishness.

IT's 3:48 now and I still pretty much awake. Guess it might happen again that i would be taken out for a day or more? Or is it that i am afraid that i wont wake up on time. Or even at all.

Seeing lightning dancing across the night sky is true amazing. Shows you how destructive yet beautiful nature truly is. Maybe just maybe I am just a weak person who carries an empty shell. To hide away whenever i want and to just be out of the picture and just stay quietly in my normal life.

My dad just woke up to scold me for no apparent reason. And now he rants away in the wee hours of the morning. Guess I could say why in all am I here to see him like that. Doesn't he know what he do make the family suffer even more. A heartless old geezer like him, smoking his life away. Thinking that only what he does is right and contain no wrong at all. I am a sad son to be speaking the way in which i am now. Guess all he really wants is me out of the house, out of his life and making sure that I don't spend his money or what so ever.

I know you own the bloodly house , the bloodly furniture and the bloodly water heater. So what you want me to do. There's no way in hell am i going to let u torture my mom and sis in which ever abuse you want. (Now he rants away like an old man talking to himself as if he's crazy). WAKE up la. Who do u think u are. YOU are an unemployed old geezer whose living off retirement funds all for yourself and not giving a bit for the family. [note: I have had any allowance from him for the past 2 mths]. Guess maybe it's time for me to jsut stay home.

Protect what's left that is important to me.

This is what I vowed that i am going to do.

First --> I am going to do well in sch even if i dont want to. I am going to get an above average grade so that I wont be left behind and allowing me to have a change to have further advance ment.
Even If i really dont want to....
Second --> I am going to give most of my army allowance to my mom and sis. I am not going to be a freaking freeloader.
Even If I can't be there all the time...
Third --> Once I am out. I gona work my ass off. Dedicating everything to my family. Even if its gona kill me faster and burn my life out, I wont allow any of them to suffer. I will allow them to be financally sound at the cost of my happiness.
Even If it kills me...
Lastly --> Should I come to the stage where I will lose everything of my social life. I will do it.
Your happiness comes first.

I will shoulder on everything and move on.
Nothing changes.

It's 4:06 in the morning.
And I am still awake.
I can't hold back the tears no more

URGE

2008-11-02T20:26:00.003+08:00

I don't know why but It seems I am CAR gazing again. I sooooo Want a new model... DAM!

I want a new RC car model.

I also want to revive my Evo 8.

Argh... SHIt... SHouldn't have saw that HDI clip.

Dang.

I should revive my Evo 8 first [pumped up].

I am sooo gona bring u back to the days where u were my pride and joy.

HAHA here's an early request for a Christmas gift :

I will get you... I promise.

Current status.

2008-10-28T21:41:00.002+08:00

Sick sick sick is what's going on.
39 degrees for 3 days straight.
I so am in need of rest.
But when will it come,
when will it come...

Time for some self-reflection.
Time for some peace.
But sadly to sad I cant do that.
Because people are in need of me.

Ever wondered why I am the guy,
whose always there by your side.
At your every calling.
But Yet when the tables have turned.
And I am in need of your assistant.
Amazingly no one is there.

This shows only one thing.
You hope for others favor when you help.
And get disappointed when none is return.

What i need now izzn't care or concern.
It's basically TLC and not from anyone.
But i know that wont happen.

So thus i reside in my ever messy room.
Looking at the celling till it falls.
Not moving an inch,
Not taking any actions.

Just wasting time away.
Till this fever subsides.

Rabbit -> AKA Sand
Sick,
Tired,
Out of juice.

2 months of memories

2008-10-28T21:39:00.000+08:00

The day has past.
It's more then 2 mths now.
Hope you are still enjoying it as I am.
Loving you always.
Rabbit.

Brithday greetings

2008-10-21T19:40:00.005+08:00

This post is for my girlfriend's mom.

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday Happy birthday,
Happy birthday to you.

Wishing you a pleasant and happy day
and that may your happiness be everlasting.
Rabbit.

Tues.

2008-10-21T18:34:00.004+08:00

Today's a kinda crapy day for me. Shall not say much cuz i really don't feel like saying anything about it. Shall "Swallow my unhappiness and channel it to useful energy"

Took some super long bus rides today. Heading to Jurong East for a simple lunch altho i wanted Do&Me.. Aye.. moving on. Then ate with Jia De. Haha.. dude i mean it man you better stay single as long as possible haha if you know what i mean. After some guy chat, started to make my way to collect my glasses. So i decided to take 66 all the way back to bedok.

Ride was pretty long. With my mp3 blasting in my ears... A song of remembrance stuck me when it play. Guess it's a long time since i heard that song. Here's a line from it : "So open up mind, and close your eyes... Take another look on the other side.". Aye. Suddenly another line came to my mind when that was sung. "Sometimes taking long bus rides makes one think a lot more." Dang.. of all times.. and of all lines it had to be that... The worst thing was when it reach Serangoon area it rained a bit. And another line came into my mind. "Somepeople just walk in the rain, but others just get wet." I kinda shock myself with that. Then the next owning line came to my head. " Did you know, Walking in the rain hides aways the tears? " I went dots.. after that hit my head.
Guess.. the ride really made my day felt worst.

Reach bedok after like 2 hrs of bus rides (didn't know that it was that long.. maybe it was the traffic....) Went to take 17 and continued the journey to collect my glasses.. Reach Tam in 20 mins and then collected my New red Glasses! Headed home.. but i still think my right eye has a problem... aye aye.

Last thing that i would like to blog would be to let u people know that my 9387 XXXX no. is currently down... Using another no for the time being.. Tag to let me know if u need my other no.
Till the next post... Adieu.

No one plans to fail,
however we plan for failures.
It's so not me...
Where did I go...
Aye aye.
Adieu.

Making you smile and laugh,
Making you feel loved and shy,
What more could I ask for.
=)

2008-10-20T11:37:00.002+08:00

Time to blog again.

Haha... now I'm in my sch's board game room slacking my time away. ... this is the fate of Mon... Having 8 o'clock lesson and ending so early.... Haiz... maybe i shouldn't do the pract lab that fast. Quiz also do finish le... sad... 3 hour break has it's toll. Lab later is gona be a killer. EIGRP ... routing protocols.. Aye... aye..

Time to update as well. The week was kinda cool. First week was tough, competetive and also quite shocking... Sch's kinda got into everyone's head.. final sem doing well.. and yada yada yada... Guess it's norm for me to be doing my best.. Must take a note for my self... Not to outshine or shine... Might result in being target by higher ups and be taken out of the game at such an early stage.

Weekends was fun... and also a shocker.. Went out with my GF's mom and her. Celebration for her mom's birthday. Quite a shocker... as... normally her previous ex in a sense neva really celebrated her birthday "as in together". Ah... >.<

Went to Ding Tai Feng... to have dinner... ah.. Xiao long pao..... FTW! HAHa.. and fried rice... ah.. nice... hahaha So now on if you dont eat finish every grain i will have more pimples.. haha.. also first time i see you being shoot down by your mom! haha... cool... haha... Face also red hor... haha aWW don't shy ... haha Cute des! hahahaha

Then went to K box. Ah... Die.... Voice cui! DAng... haha at least my english songs all can make it.. chinese.. wise.. hmm best left unsaid.. haha... Her mom's good... haha old classics...hahaha I .. like.. hahaa Must have been my mom spam old old songs when i was young. HAHA... Had durian cake for the first time... interesting..ah... hahaha... Quite unique.... hahah

Now it's raining out side with thunder raging on. HAha.. once again i am still in the board game room slacking the hours away... Haiz... shall say until here... replies for tags and concerns will be updated at a later date. Till then.. . without a sound, without a trace I bid adieu..

Thoughts til date

2008-10-16T00:40:00.002+08:00

Van... Hope you are alrite ok cubbie crazy sick girl..leave me a message ya?.. See you are first in the thoughts list...honoured?

Moving on... Loads of stuff happen. Firstly gona keep in short. Well i had 2 god-sis (the bro-sis type of relation ones) but now it seems that it's down to just 1. Gloria haha. The main thing to note here is... When was I not serious... All i can say is if i ever did anything wrong, anything.. please tell me. I admit I was late for that outing. No excuses that i know could change the fact that i was late. But i hope i did make it up to you 2 that day. But since all this has happened I choose to be the coward one and do nothing to save it. If this is the critical factor, I am deeply.. sorry. Maybe just maybe I was not alert enough or should i say i was not strong and brave enough? Haiz..

Sch's kinda stress as all of us really didn't touch the router for like 6 mths +++ dang... later on today.. i have more pract labs.. and yet my file of notes is lost... haha tml's lab would be interesting..haha Shafiq and vincent...haha Buckle up... and keep up... if not.. haha.. i shall...

to be continued.. sleepy ah.. end here...

Stuff over the week

2008-10-12T17:41:00.002+08:00

The week was kinda ok.. with me blacking out once.. haha.. wow that sure neva happen in a long long time now.. 2 years perhaps..?

Well moving on this post won't be a long one as I not really going to type a lot.

Sch's starting tml... i wonder if everything would be alrite. I am in E4... quite shocker... kao.. Danny, Jie De and Moi Moi PS ... E3 .. kao. The team that i hoped I would be in would be interesting. At least i still have them for IS haha... Core mods this sem are kinda hard... and it will be quite tough without a good team. I wonder who could i form a team with..this sem.. I might even fly solo.... Dang.. Being someones student is really... hard.. haha... Have to live up to the GPA 3.64... standard... sianz when i cant even break 3.5.... haiz. (Wan ling- haha sad rite I not as high as you)

Moving on.. Went out with my gf on the normal days... haha seems like i can make her laugh non-stop over the slightest things.. haha =) Happy. Also The song that i trained for her is finally finished! haha.. Rated 8 wor... hahah Die.. now to do it with a mic. hahah. Dont worry... i think the queen will have a good celebration, so dont worry too much. Your planning wont go to waste de JIA YOU!

Sat - Went to ECP (east coast park) . Nice weather and all and my the sun was shinning super bright. First Time i came back looking like a red lobster. Motivated my gf to cycle all the way to changi beach. hahaha FIERCE! YOu did it on gear 6 .... I am super touched. ='-) I shall train also.. till i can cycle with that gear!

Then went to PP (parkway parade) for lunch at MOS. UBer cold air-con. Like always.. hahaha Then pop the news of heading over to my JR place for dinner. SHe freaked out really. haha so... rare to see her like that. Maybe that's why... haha oh well.. WEnt to shop a bit for her top but in the end i ended up buying a polo T first.. hahah SLow la dear.. haha And ... really it's ok.. I don't find shopping with you a pain, But i do feel that you really should get some brighter colours ok...?
Then we went back to my place to rest and change. Usual room usual mess. =)

Took out me hairband again.. haiz hate my hair.. time to cut... She laughed of course who wouldn't.. anyways..streamed "Hot shot" for her and let her watch... And i cant believe that my gf would *censored*. That really shocked me. haha (this line seems sooo wrong)

WEll... she said we were late but we weren't ...haha so.. we made our way over... HAHA SUPER SHOCKER of the night... I became his dad's god son.. Jilat...STRESS ...and dear.. got to see me being shoot till no face + no where to hide.. aye .. aye...

Even tho how bad I was shot at the dinner table.. At least I still could see her smile. She laughed for quite a while too.. and then when we left. . . she told me she had not had such a dinner for a long long time.. For once.. I was shy.. touched .. and happy... i didn't think she saw that but.. haha at least if you are reading it now... >.<

LAstly.. the hardest thing that i could not say with such natural composure and ease was " Because I love you". You have taught me a well deserve lesson God-dad(in chinese sounds nicer). I will improve.

Dear - Making you smile always, Your royal pet, Your dearest, Your Rabbit.

Esther - Don't smoke sooo much le la... Hai yo... Jie mei sad... =(

Hong - Shy sia someone..kao never help me also... Gr.. :P

Shao Ming - Dude.. please... study hard... Dont go play game le la.. and .. study right as well... MY Disciple for SS and History.. cannot get too low hor!

Si'en - Sunshine... Sand really always under your feet, lurking in the shadows. Will support when needed and will hide when it's not needed. Don't worry you wont say that 2 words eight letters de cuz i know u cant think of it :P

Replies

2008-10-06T02:03:00.002+08:00

Van - I updated. Sorry will type more soon.

Esther -Please stop smoking so much.. I am pretty much sure there are other ways to get out of the office...

Sunshine - Girl.. 我的伤和眼泪化为乌有为你而流.

My dearest Eileen -没想走你好像说过你和我会不会有以后. It seems we are creating that. Love you always.

I think I can see it.

2008-10-06T02:01:00.001+08:00

First "Act cute picture".
Lovely times.

What I really want to say now.

2008-09-30T01:57:00.001+08:00

The things that I have done.

The words I have said.

I mean every single one of it.

I am no longer the former me.

And I am not the one that break promises.

Still I will be there by your side, your every call.

This is how much you mean to me.

I hate the feeling that I have right now Bitter- yet sweet.

But still I will shoulder on the responsibilities and move on.

Trust me, It's better this way.

I am fine... no worries.

He begins a life of seclusion with her
Which seems to hold the promise of eternal bliss
But as happiness grow...
(To be continued)

Anniversary day (pre-celebrations) Part 2

2008-09-23T02:20:00.002+08:00

Ok.. so choosing of the apples were kinda interesting. Haha... =)

Walked to my Grandma's hse and she... was like tensed.. Kinda pretty in a way...haha (maybe it's just me). haha. Went up... said hi.. and Aunt Alice was there! Ah... miscalculations... She was like... "Jackson!! AH! Who's this? Your friend? *Smiles*" Sat down and started to chit chat for qutie some time... My grandma really knows how to shoot me... dang! In front of my GF some more.. hai yo... Dear..you must be glad ah.. even she call me to learn from you... (Dilact really quite bad). They clicked well... and yeap that's good.. Mood was lighten by that much.

After the super loooong shooting session + talk... decided to go to east coast for a nice stroll by the beach. Resumed to the plan of renting a bike but haha ironically I didn't want to. So we just walked... till the stone gravel area and just sat there to look at the sea. Then she showed me the item that the queen(her mom) made for me. It was a silvery gift box. I was like shocked. Then the gift inside was a skinny tie. 2 colours...sliver and grey all in one tie. Ah... Ok... i had to say.. I was moved a bit. I recognise and acknowledged the time spent and the thought of the gift. Dear... Thank you... really. =) I would take a pic of myself when I wear the tie. Ok? Promise.

Sitting there and spending the time with her was really wonderful and yes it really did made my day when I kissed her (My hint kinda too obvious ah.. ). Her first kiss was kinda hilarious but I hope I did gave her a pleasant one.
*coughs*You did learn a lot during that time*coughs* Don't shy ah.. :P

Well... we kissed till the sun went down.. and till the stars shine brightly high up in the night sky.
It was all worth it. Spending the time in your arms with you by my side. And I meant every word I say. (Due to certain reasons I shall not blog whatever I say. This is to ensure my sincerity to her) =-)

Lastly... Went to Han's for a nice simple semi-fine dinner. Of course being the lady of the day how can i let her pay. Ate and had more time to spend with her and of course chatted like there was no tml. After that sent her back to bedok and had a nice enjoyble ride on the bus back. I said something in jap to her and she knew it! CraP cover being blown wide open ah.......!!! LOL... should have used something that was more hard for her to understand.... ah... But it was true, everything I said.

That was quite a day.
I will bear the consequences on my shoulders and move on.
Loving you with what I have.
Allowing you to
deserve what's
best.

I love you.

Anniversary day (pre-celebrations)

2008-09-23T02:05:00.002+08:00

It was Sat and this was the pre-planned day for our lovely 1mth Celebrations.
Slept at 4 on friday. I know i know... I shouldn't have but I still managed to wake up at 8 in the morning.

Here is what the day was like for me.

Firstly, waking up with the little sleep that i have was nth. Wad made it worst was no msg... from her as of yet. Ok.. So i decide to just snooze for 30 mins more maybe she was on the way over to my place... So woke up at 8.30 again. Checked me phone.. .Nth... Ok.. maybe she woke up late... I was like ok... So 9... and so on and so fourth.. until... it was 11 plus... she told me that she just finish her breakfast with her mom and didn't bring her phone.. along.. I was like finally...she replieD! haha... Then mood went a bit down somemore when I ask where she was.

Her msg was.. :"Dear.. Queen doing something so might take some time before I can leave the house..."

Ok... there goes lunch with my grandma... and not to mention the morning cycling session that we were surpose to have.. but it was ok.. at least she replied. At 12:32 was told to eat my lunch... haha... and i did... finished it at 2 tho.. haha mum made quite a feast for me. Waiting and waiting... until it was 2 :10... she msg me that she was comming in an hour..and that the queen had made something for me. I was already.. expecting that.. but to made my plan fail..from the start.. ah... interesting.. she's the first....

Called esther and whined to her...about everything.. guess you could say I was emo'ing about this. Gosh.. I almost teared...due to the emo'ness... But still ... I knew that there was still a way to make this all turn out well. And yes, I went for that choice be.. it.. if it had to be me.. to endure this.

Went to pick her up at Bedok station and we were off to East coast park. Acutally more like marine cresent. Went to meet my Grandma first. Bought apples for her..and boy.. i noticed something new.. haha She can't choose apples! XD

15/09/09 to 19/09/09

2008-09-23T01:58:00.001+08:00

This week was kinda.. in the planning week for the celebration of our lovely 1mth anniversary.. haha.

It was all planed out well. From start to end. I guess that was all I was aiming for just a simple outing, simple meeting with my grandma and a simple meal prepared by me to rap things up.

Did some cookies for her in the process as well. Gave her on wed. HAHA My new re-enhanced Ginger snaps. Rating from Ment was 7/10. Haha... all should go well. I guess.

Well I did this was not only to show my sincerity for her, but also would her to know that I would do anything just to please her and to show her a side that most people wouldn't get to see.

All in all.. I'm giving it my best and doing what I feel I should do.

Events on 14/09/09

2008-09-23T01:47:00.004+08:00

Me and the Rabbit

*Twist*

Glowing Rabbit...

Other lantern show cases...

The girl that I fell in love with.

Us.

Updates - Sun to Fri's early morning

2008-09-19T03:34:00.002+08:00

OK... seems like every one's waiting for a post that badly... sighs.. OK... fine.. blogging now...

Here goes...

On Sunday.. Went for a mid-Autumn date with my GF. Brought her to the Chinese Gardens to sight see on the massive life size giant hello kitty lanterns. Wow.. tickets were like... "Woot, 15$ a piece." Lol.. well it didn't matter.. Loads of hello kitties.. My gosh.. like they didn't have any other themes to do. A mini carnival was also set up there.. man.. the rides... were... like old school. HAHA Tokens and game stalls just didn't match.. Dang... Where's the darts stall when u need it.. i know you wanted the nemo.. haha who ask you keep pulling me back... my luck varies... Interestingly, saw her GAY Jr... there... with another guy and not his GF MY MY MY... Somehow... during that walk managed to like planned the route nicely and as for the timing was like 1 min off.. before the fireworks kicked in. hahaha... Hope you enjoyed the fireworks fiesta Dear. =) Will post some photos when i get them... it seems my GF a bit slow in sending.. hahah *coughs*Shy...ah... someone..*coughs*

Moving on... The week was quite normal.. with constant exercising haha seems like i can do it.. haha no more phobia... or so it seems..hahah shall test it out soon. Been chatting late at night with one of my mei zi.. haha SHe's in Germany... my gosh... haha... Ritter SPot.... WHOO

Recent one... Pay's coming tml.. wHOO! Sooo gona get you something nice dear.. haha wait and see how my random imagination can be. =)

I now await SAT's arrival ... haha So gona make sure I spend quality time with ya to celebrate =P. I also wonder what my grandma would say... hahaha Don't worry, she speaks hokkien haha.
LAstly.. Next thus.. Wedding dinner coming up from my Uncle Johnny's eldest Daughter (WHO?!). Well... haha in the city( orchard) that means.. have to dress up... crap...!

Ah... heck.. shall see ... Drink... erm.. i think you would kill me rite? Shall see... cocktail recp... power... Oh well... Till then fellow readers... I shall update more days of my life in due time. Stay tune.. For a side of me you neva seen before in the years you people know me. Adieu..

Stuff

2008-09-13T08:42:00.003+08:00

What's going on recently..? That's quite the question to ask.

Things are doing great with my girlfriend is you peeps wana know. Met quite a bunch of people.. on friday.. haha actually.. only.. 2 hahahaha Offically introduced her to Xt..hahaha well they met.. and yes.. the watch talked. hahah!!!!! Besides that... Went to shoot some balls and yeap... got this fine score here ... HAHA need more training!

Ok.. then on the way of sending my dear home.. met lena.. aah... HAHA YOu sure shocked her! hahaha...

Lastly.. MEt Si'en for the night. She's quite hurt... seems the damage done was quite serious.. aye... aye... Girl.. you can pull through this de. Remember, I ment wad i said. Get over this and you will know what's that special quality that you wanted to know. =) No worries... And.. neva put the barrier up again. I will be sad de. Last thing u should know.. I read your blog and amazingly... I teared. You must really... really... recover.. i dont want to see you in this state again....

Dear.. I home safely now.. so no worries... Will miss you in the up coming days.. Wish you a nice and warm mid-Autumn Festival... And await for something nice this weekend =)

Sunday afternoon

2008-09-07T14:10:00.002+08:00

Woah.. wad an interesting Sunday.

Woke up at 5 Am.. ok.. moving on. haha

The day's great.. got the best rest i ever got during the week. Work's been quit cruel to me. Got a total of like 4 long cuts on my arms (all healed) and the amt of paper cuts just keeps appearing... Blood lost is quite high but yea... the pain's nth. (except for those freaking paper cuts)

Tml's tough... stupid order of 120++ boxes... guess it's gona be a long long day.. tml.. Guys.. we will work till the sun goes down! Ush!

Slacking the sunday afternoon away... watching the anime shows that i've been missing out on the weeks.

Dear's hse seems lively with her mom's friend there. haha Hope you dont over tire yourself girl! Love ya <3

Lastly.. about 7 more days till this work is done! Next on... construction work.. hmm wonder if i can pull that off.. Seems most people really wonder why I am doing all this laborious work... The Answer is simple. It's not for the cash or anything. IT's the experience to endure hardship. Crazy as it sounds, yes... how many have actually endured countless tiring days with so many labour work to do. The modern person desires a desk job with working hours 9- 5 at least. And everything is computerized. Little is done moving ard. The famous lines "Get someone todo it". But how many would actually want to do it. All would shan't it like "Sai Kang" is not in their dictionary. Guess the society's like that. Sad case. However I shall slug on.. like a slug... Moving slowly.. forward.. I will do the hard odd jobs and I will push on. Cause I know.. that I will get a desk job in the end, But till then.. I don't want an easy life. A simple one will do.

Eileen - Dear..Loving u every Minute... <3

Hong - Hai yo... can de la make it grand kid! Haha YOur Wedding is a Must to attend =)

Si'en - Girl... u know I always there de so no worries... Cheer up ah... U have lots to upate me on. hahah Shall do something to ease your scar.. HOpe it works so look forward to it! =)

Van - Haha... cant find the stop button right... hahaha. Too bad... will change the song soon la.. when i get a right tune =) How's life there haha ? I will send u gift for christmas de.. don't worry.. hahaha

Xt - Hai yo... jealous right.. haha... How's piggy... still missing him? XD!!

By popular demand

2008-09-06T00:27:00.002+08:00

yes. yes. updating... hai yo...

Work's tough but i got off for today (5th sept) WHOO! Went to meet my dear and treated her for movie! Gave her a nice pretty pink red rose when i met her. HAHA Super touched to know that I was the first the give a flower... my gosh... what were her ex(s) thinking not giving a girl well deserve flowers... >.< Watched the show call "Wall E". Interesting as the show had little spoken lines by far for the movies this year.

Dinner followed after that and I gave her more gifts. HAHA 2 special Changi Airport Shot glasses. HAHA. Pre ordered them some more. Thanks Denise for ordering them for me.

Well got to head out to work later on. guess I 'll be pretty much tired to post any more entries.
That's all. Over and out!

Van - You sick sick girl. :P Tired la.. So will post less... haha. Don't worry at least she captured my heart with her actions. =)

Hong - Hai yo.. Brother! =) Steady la read my blog. haha No worries! You also must JIA YOU! I wana attend your wedding first! :P

Xt- Read la read.. Wait till your piggy post something nice for you. HAHA I definatly will tag!:P

Eileen - Dear, Rest well... don't want to see you coughing the next time i see ya.. got it?! Love ya <3

♥ Thank You, My Dear ♥

2008-09-02T23:27:00.002+08:00

Work was tough.. Quite tough.

Make Box. -> Pack box. -> Move box. -> Lift Box. -> Take box.

Then move on to eating.

Eat Rice -> Drink Soup -> Take Chicken -> Eat Chicken -> Eat Veggie -> Clean Bowl
(Now that's for lunch)

Eat Rice -> Drink Soup -> Take Fish -> Eat Fish -> Eat Veggie -> Clean Bowl
(That's Dinner)

So far.. that's work... 3 days passed, 11 more to go..

Everyday is such a tiring job... yet... I find strength in my mind to think about you... Waiting for your message is like the morale booster for me to push on. Is this reliance? It better be so. For the goal at the end of this job.

Your message is what makes my day.
Your voice is what drives me on.
And your smile to me
Makes it all worth
it.

Loving you everyday,
Every single minute...
You give me strength,
for the tiring day.
With just a smile
You brighten up my boring day.

♥ I Love you.♥

2008-09-01T17:58:00.002+08:00

Sick again... ah...

Working to pack mooncakes now... ah... tiring.. but i will just slug through...

There is nothing left to say.

All I can do now is just to be that right one for you.

I am in love.

It's that simple.

I promise to love you everyday.
Allow me to have this simple romance.
And I will give you all my attention,
to the highest degree, and of the simplest sincerity.

Update!

2008-08-28T23:41:00.002+08:00

Guess really it's time I that I finally get serious.

-27/8/08- The day I knew.

To be continued...

Other stuff..
Basically, Went for karaoke Session with a sore throat. ARGH! My most famous song and i cannot hit... DANG! NOOOO.... Today I was totally off for dont know how many songs! ARGH! SHIT how to like... "pei" her tittle sia... I must excell the next time. NO MORE EXCUESES from me. ARGH!

Tml heading back to BGSS Zzzs... Mr. Tng for you i will return.. at least this would be your final year in BG anyway. hahaa Moving on to greener pastures i see, however do you know that the greener ones are those that are watered? XD!

Lastly.. Starting work this sun and my finaly paycheck came in today. =-)

就请你给我多一点点时间
再多一点点问候
让我甘心为了你
付出我所有

T.T

2008-08-26T01:14:00.004+08:00

These days I am troubled over a lot of things. Yet It's so not me. Things really are not really going the right way.

Still... I stand firm.

I SWEAR if he ever hits you, I will lay down with great vengeance and strike with force. I will never tolerate a guy that would hit a lady.

Secondly I am puzzle over this line. "when u r beside me, it felt like no matter wad happens the next second, be it tsunami, earthquake, i will always be safe...." So who does it refers to... Ah... *Think* got to Think!
I don't want to change. I really don't.But it seems that I am forced to. It was never about what I want. Never.

對你的眼神選擇了逃避
恨自己恨自己

有天當我捨棄一切見你
請妳要微笑不語

Sunday Afternoon

2008-08-24T12:44:00.002+08:00

Well played pool like just now and dang lost to Esther la RARW! But it's ok... "My Jie Mei --> Esther" = ) HAHAHA Seriously... like my playing style 1 year ago. Haha... maybe then I was at my prime? haha Who knows.. hahha Too bad Jo. Even at my semi-high state can still win u by a game eh. hahaha USH. HAHHA

Ok..moving along to other stuff. Guess it's gona be the period where I am going all out. Seems I don't have any goal to go all out for... none the less... ya... maybe I want something out of myself. Maybe just maybe I am not the ME that you people see me as. My weaknesses are too obvious (plus or minus who knows) and it's about time i should rethink my prospectives. Jo you said simple life my foot right. That really made me think. Would my this weak and boring life ever be simple...
The outcome of that would most probably be determined by my actions ba.

Well these few days are really pouring like crazy. aye.. Well got to meet my cell mates for lunch. Guess I'm ending my post here.

I stand firm on my beliefs and actions.
No matter what I do,
No matter what happens.
I'll Try my best
And be fine.

I vow I make both of your lives better.
Even if it means giving up everything that I want.

22 Aug

2008-08-23T01:10:00.002+08:00

Well.. today's my Dad's birthday.

Ok moving on... Fireworks were great. Nice and all. Can't believe that they were that huge! hahah... no wonder the boats were like so far from shore. Guess all that france did was just spam large large fireworks. I think that thier specialty is the rose one and maybe the three colour large fireworks that spam like crazy (Blue, Green, Red).

Lastly... haha in a way u did set me thinking. Seems i might have brought unwanted weirdness to you. Clarification... aye aye. Think i am thinking off but i should just stay out of sight, later bring u more unwanted trouble >.<". Well the last thing i would like to say on this matter is no matter how things change I'll be the same old me. =)

不理会别人是看好或看坏
我一直都在
你身後等待
偷偷的隐藏著自己

我情愿　
现在与未来
　能充满秋凉的爽快
也许是上帝给我一个试炼

2 words

2008-08-21T22:08:00.000+08:00

Mission complete.

Things

2008-08-18T02:36:00.004+08:00

Hmm so far... got 3 jobs that i might do at hand.

A: Relief Teaching
B : Pack Mooncakes
C : Give Tuition

Shall see.. Face is kinda the same... hope it shows a difference soon. HAHA {day 5}

Random drama I watch today...黑糖群俠傳. Owning sia... Ya Tou's new look is really too CUTE! The firey side of her... haha that's new...Xiao Xun also... hahaha Red for the win! Altho the storyline is crappy as the other ones... haha but amazingly I am following the epis.

Here's some pics (can't find the freaking drama single shots)

OWNED!

Eileen- Tell u really nothing wrong with me, and yes... i know u there ...
Esther- haha Oh well... Hehe...S...L...O...W...L...Y M...U...G
Hong - Dude... Relax.. She's your GF... mutual Understanding... As you said.. she how old only.
Shao Ming - I try la. POA haven't touch in 3 years. History and SS confrim "A".
Si'en - Focus. Key to you doing well is for you not to get stressed up and anxious at the last min.
Van - LOL can u even read the chinese Ms Aussie chinese girl. XD!!
Ying Ni - Mei... Trust me la... I not suai in formal.. Many people can pull off 10x better then me. I this type de only got the weapon of personality ba.

Lastly... Sis tells me to get another suit... haiz... see how la hor. Thanks for the shirt tho.

我不敢想的太多
沉默的等奇迹
沉默的让自己
我努力调整自己

我静静握着抬头向上天祈求
愿你先找到温柔

Updates

2008-08-14T23:53:00.002+08:00

It's been a while.. eh..

Attachment's over. Presentation was kinda...weird. Why must there be so many people watching me present my slides...Aye.. Grading... hmm.. well... An A is what I have worked for. An AD would brighten up my day.

Spend quite a fair bit on my face and skin... Guess looks still matter to me or should i say... if i need to clear this shit up... the good skin comes along with it. I shall see...this through.

Need to think some stuff through as well. It's the holidays for me and yea so far got 2 job areas to work to.. Hmm i wonder which one..

A:Pack mooncakes.
B: Apply to become a relief-Teacher

One thing is definitely true.
Promises I will keep.

我一直都在
你身後等待
偷偷的隐藏著自己
沉默的守护著你
永远是配角戏

It's gona be over soon.

2008-08-06T10:24:00.002+08:00

This friday would be the last day of my attachment. Finally.. Good or bad one may ask... Well both... i guess.

Took a super long weekend by taking off on Mon and Tues. Maybe that was the rest i needed after all. Slugging my way through my report.. and also my PPT slides. Loads of things to prepare. I am so gona make sure that this gets me an A at least... Pannel 2... which lecturer will i get... Hope it's not Chan... XD

Other stuff are currently on hold as of now.Lazy to type more...

就算我再你世界渺小像一顆塵埃
我也會給你我所有的光和熱

0.0

2008-07-31T10:29:00.002+08:00

Stunned.

An opportunity has presented itself to me. Should I take it? Well it's hard to say.. Shall see what the first month has to offer. I wonder if i really made the right decision. Should it really take off, I would pledge my loyalty to it and shall work under your wings.

Maybe just maybe I will rise and also fall should it fail.

Uncertainty!

Simplicity is what I want.

Me

2008-07-29T01:54:00.003+08:00

What's the point of me doing all this?
What's the meaning of the things that I've done?
What's the point of me even trying so much?

Nothing.
I just do what I feel that I should do.
No more no less.

Yes I 'm human after all.
Yet You don't take notice the fact about that.

I've always been walking towards you...
Yet you don't seem to know that.
Guess a reaction was all I was looking for.

Promises are meant to be kept.
At least I believe so.

Square root of 3

2008-07-28T03:28:00.003+08:00

This poem best describes me now.

Square root of 3

I fear I will always be a lonely number like root 3.
A 3 is all that's good and right,
Why must my 3 keep out of sight
Beneath a vicious square root sign?

I wish instead I was a 9,
For 9 could thwart this evil trick with just some quick arithmetic.
I know I'll never see the sun
As 1.7321

Such is my reality a sad irrationality.

T3 Opening

2008-07-28T03:04:00.004+08:00

Recent events are uber special. T3 opening was a great one if only the rest of the AAR members were also there =( None the less Had loads of fun. Here are some pictures from the event =)!! ^.^

The booth / table that I am in charge of.

Harpist ! Ooo

^.^ Cheryl Fox!

Chin Beng and Me ! Zhai !

We taking a break la ~.~

Sai Kang Warriors! (Unsung Heroes)

AO team USH!

Interns!

Destress outing cum Catching Up

2008-07-23T01:00:00.002+08:00

It was another tiring day at the office. Excel excel and more excel. HOW MANY LISTS ARE THERE? Freaking 4. Names here, Names there. Haiz even now still slugging through the lists. Huge chunk of people to add / remove including additions of groups. Simple task one may say but with 900 + pax i don't think the word simple just cuts it.

Haha for lunch had the normal one with jerome then went on to eat with farid and gang. HAHA glasses are ment to wear upside down? WTH haha only janson can think of that la! HAHA WTH!
Had waffles with them at T3 haha Janson's virgin time. XD!

Back to the office for more work names... PSP a while with fidaus haha U cant win a guy who's going to meet a girl for dinner! XD! Then back to more work. More lists need for Denise haha actually only 1 more list but yea it's getting super messy.

Once work was off it's off to meet Vanessa (Tan) haha. Super long never see you sia! My first impression was like WOW! I must say you turn out to be a nice looking fine teen. MY GOD the image of u in sec was like WHAT?! But now it's like WA. Ai Seh! Look wad Aussie did to u girl! XD. Your back image is really really something that i can't comprehend. We walked quite a fair bit hahah as we both weren't kinda that hungry. Ended up speaking and spilling secrets. Haa now u know what's my impression of just before the line ^.^. Ate at Just noodles and my Gosh u left the bowl of rice full! Please la eat leh! KAo...Zzz

After dinner it was a super super long walk here and there without an aim. Welcome to the night life club Girl! uahahah.The things i used to do at night. XD Don't sad la.. you're not really that fat.. trust me... your curves are fine the way they are... *coughs*Bouncy*coughs* Hope you enjoyed the super long walk from the bay to riverside point. I still can't believe that you never been to these places before and worst still not on a date. What's your boyfriend doing girl! Sent him from consuling haha! None the less hope i did spoil the image for a date. HAHAHA surely got some ang moh will pick u up de la XD no worries.

This dec when u come back then we shall do some stuff okies? xD *ahem haha.

I'm happy that I could catch up with u ^.^
Now it's time to get back to work.
See you soon girl!
Take much care.

The answer...

Reflections

2008-07-21T01:16:00.002+08:00

Give me sometime and I will give u my answer.

I don't know what i really want.

but wad I do know is I don't want to hurt anyone.

Porcupine 's predicament is wad's weight me down.

I am sorry if i ever sent out the wrong signals.

Maybe just maybe, I am not worthy of you people.

It's only me just me. nothing more nothing less. I dont have a lean and fit body neither do i have a smooth and beautiful face. I am not worthy of you. Maybe just maybe I am that coward. i don't know.... I am confused.

Nights...

2008-07-20T22:18:00.002+08:00

Well many things to update. But little time to type.

Still quite stress over the T3 opening. IT's comming up next friday. Haiz will everything go smoothly? We shall see... dude settle up ya? One last push and dash for the finishing. WE LEAVE NO MAN BEHIND.

Well Chrissy confessed to me.. >.<

Ok next. It's getting too complicated. I shall take a whole view of the picture before i shall do anyhting.

En- Like i said I' always there 24/7.

Eileen - There isn't much to worry for me.

Esther - Hai Hai Next time those bitches ever take cab u shall show them your claws. They were lucky i didn't sue their asses off for causing hurt to me.

Joseph - HAHA cool incident rite. XD

Eilm - send me your contact lei ... lost your no.

Xt - U owe me one girl .

Time to reflect.

2008-07-16T09:42:00.002+08:00

What am i doing these days, I really wonder.

What am i doing all these time, I really wonder.

It's really a mystery.

But one thing is for sure. I will not give up.

Would my determination run out?

Would my perseverance paid off?

It's still a huge question mark.

Maybe just maybe it's not meant to be.

FUCKING BAD DAY

2008-07-15T22:22:00.002+08:00

This is the most freaking fucked up day i ever have.

First is was losing my freaking airport pass. WTF. Stupid card holder. FUCK IT. Wad's the point of having that invention when it's suppose to help u keep your card in place. It freaking fell out of it's place la. MADE me search high and low for it. KAO almost made me make a police report and pay a fine of 30$ for it. FUCK NO!

Secondly, I was told to merge another list. LIKE WTF. At first tell me cannot have too many list then now come out with this stunt to stun me WTF. IF management was thinking right from the first step. Things would have not gone wrong. SERIOUSLY WRONG. SO does a degree and some working exp give u the right to like change stuff and impose ideas which are not technically ideal on to someone so that the job can be seen as efficient on the out side? FUCKING no brains rite. Bloody shit. Fine for the sake of it i will take on this shit. You want a job done fine I'll get it done. At the end of the day as long as i don't get your ass on the chopping block the matter is kept unknown.

To the unsung heroes. Salute* Thanks for the time spent and the effort put in. Yes i know u dudes are degree interns and have to endure this shit with me. Cheers to you peeps.

Like i said.

I am not a Leader.

Neither am I a follower.

I'm just one who assists that's all.

This has also made me think. Degree degree degree.. Study all that much but for wad. Would i take a path like that. Would i also be one like that. And also would I want me to be like that. OR is it for the sake of earning a min 3K at the start. *Thinks*

Lastly, it seems at times of panic and confusion + fustration I really have none to lean on. Super wake up call for me. Totally shows how much people are concerned. Shows also that I've no one to fall back upon.... for support. It seems I shall revert back to the old me.

Zero.. I want to become stronger...

Porcupine's predicament.

A stary night for sat, And a beautiful sunday morning.

2008-07-13T22:46:00.007+08:00

Went to a kelong on sat evening. And so This is some of the nice stuff that it has to offer.

Sat's Sunset.

Lol ok this was weird. Haha!

The best Gift of the whole trip. Sunday's sunrise.

I guess this trip really made me relax and recharge my soul. Meaningful and Refreshing!

Never knew u could lost a hook at 2a.m and fish back the hook later at 6. HAHA LUCK IS DEFINITELY on my side XD!

Packed week ahead awaits me. USH! Let's rock!

May I have the honour...

若有所失的感觉

我从没有放弃过心中的理想

原谅我

这一生不羁放纵爱自由

Friday

2008-07-11T01:19:00.003+08:00

Dont u just wish that u could slug hard for one more day and make it through the weekend? TGIF nah... not for me... sighs. With the heavy workload and the uber owning OT time i have clocked... guess it makes no diff.

Lesson lernt: when taking control of the situation, please make sure that power is definately in your hands.

2nd : Never ever let other people contorl 1 or more list.

3rd: Determination is wad makes others notice you.

Last : Most things are done solo better. Even if others want to help stand firm and tell them to stick to what has already being given to them.

Well can't wait for this Sat and also next tues, thus and fri. USH! The ultimate goal will allow me to push on.

Zero I can't fall yet.... I must..hold.. on.. til... she.. comes.. back..

對你付出了這麼多

你卻沒有感動過...

Attention!

2008-07-09T00:19:00.003+08:00

My 9387XXXX no. is now currently down.
Please Msn me for the other no. that i am using now should u need to contact me.

You Have Shown Me Your Resolve,
I will hold the fort even if it means taking the blame.

I will not let you down.

夜里的寂寞容易叫人悲伤

我不敢想的太多

因为我一个人

再给我一点温柔...

Recent Events

2008-07-05T13:08:00.002+08:00

A week has passed. And of course many stuff happened. Work was uber. SOP was kinda tough to do. Can't believe it was delayed all the way Since May. Everything was kinda crashing down on me once again. T3 opening invite lists... was definitely a killer! It's like AAR part 2 man! KNS

This time it's so not properly organized. Letters being sent with out recording. Many invitees overseas. MY gosh... how can an event be like that. without proper planing it's sure going down the drain. Zhi rou (covering manager) is super stress up as well. I know its hard as there 's like your own PS work to do... and further more there's this opening ... all i can say is... Yes ... I will help u in anyway I can. Even if it means staying overnight in the airport for a Day or two.

On Tues, Gave Si'en her present, haha she did like it YAY!. XD also ate DO & Me hahaha UBER! SERIOUS! The meat patty WAS and still IS the same! MY gosh.. IT's was like almost 10 years ago. SUPER 5 stars for the bugger. Guess wad it only increased 30c hahaha. Salute!

WED and Thus was kinda busy. With most of the list to be done by the week. Seems my excel and word skills are like getting horned. Hope it helps in the next sem. haha. I wonder if I would do well. Crap... can't think that way..

-Esther- Right... u wont see it comming girl! Not now at least.
-Eileen- Sorry really can't pei u on fri. Haha Next week ba =-)
-ShuQi- LOL friday really can't. However u can go with... hehe shall not say :P
-Marko- Don't have your daily dose of MO MO lei...it's bad. Let "L" , "Siao" and "V" cheer u up ba. Note* I trust u won't give up that easily*
-Van- HAHA come back form Aus to just go KL? NICE ONE!
-Sorida- Yea We meet up next week ba =)
-JO- Wa lu 6 mths then u make your comeback... Plus own me somemore.. wa lu... *watch out*
-Jon- 20 days til u return rite... yes yes just tell me your gate no. K?
-Ment- Anyhow la.. haha LEE's not strong la. REMATCH!

It's all about the MO MO

2008-06-28T02:11:00.003+08:00

This week really flew by fast. Work was super a killer. First it lets me enjoy by having time to breathe by not giving me tough deadlines. Then it came raining down on everything must be done by today. What the hell happen to Thank God It's Friday (TGIF). Everyone needs Jackson, Jackson do this by this, Jackson do that by today. And people go like Where's Jackson, He's free u can ask him to do this and that by today. Thanks ah. Thanks.

So wad if i play psp in the office. So no time off is the idea worker... Wow.. seems too ideal to me. People slack without people noticing rite... for what I may ask... IF YOU ARE THAT IDEAL THEN DON"T SLACK AT ALL! Make sense doesn't it.

Alan is really getting on Da Pau 's nerve. Actually he's getting on all of our nerves. He FREAKING PULLED MY EAR PIECE OUT JUST TO SEE WHAT SONGS I WAS LISTENING TO. BAD MOVE. Irritated Farid with the NVM response. Made Da Pau stressed over nothing and being superly rude to her. Nice one man. Even if u want her attention. That's soooo not the way to do it. Who cares about your past. Nobody knows you then fine. Live with it. And you're from GOD himself. Dude u so messing up your deeds man. You don't believe in anything and yet you sprout nonsense about the heavenly father. Wrong MOve part 2!

Moving on to other stuff. Finally bought the card and birthday box for En. Most expensive gift for the year so far. Guess the price tag PEEPS haha For starters XXX hahaha (En if u ever read this HAHA be hounoured.)

Bought Eileen a black rabbit handphone pouch. NO need to like give me back anything la. Bought it for you in return for the durain roll. Trust me no need. If not like this will never end de. Really... REALLY!

You say MO I say MO. MO MO =)

Esther you very the nice hor. Nothing else needed to be said.

Ok Marko You loser! Say supper then PS me. Funny rite. You must have been out with your XXX XXX rite. WA Lu. Watch out... ah.. Watch out....

MEi MEi and gang. YES next week confrim 100% + chop we would sing even if chickens will die! XD don't worry HAHAA - Hardy- I will be waiting for you chinese to eng song man! Zhui chang de dian ying in Eng AHAHAH

Si'en - U better pick up the phone later. XD

Hong - Anyhow la you. Don't worry when i need your strength will call u come and help me de.

Lastly Vanessa (Tan) is comming back from AUS today WHOoo! HAHA MAngo Mango! please remember hahaha.

Maybe, Just Maybe

你是我守侯的温柔

Fortune Teller

2008-06-23T22:19:00.002+08:00

Work was great. Finally a problem arose. But the weird thing is I had to go down to T3 to resolve the simple Internet connection problem issue. To my horror, the modem was super old! Speedtouch series. OWNED. The switch used for the CSO's PC was like so large... and it only had 8 Ethernet ports. Way cool! Power supply was like 240 or 340 V. Deadly...

Ever wonder why someone would out source for laptops when there was already a constant vendor already in place. The person who gave me the admin rights must have definitely thought that I was noob. Spoke slowly...(OK that should be the way) but that go on to give me useless solutions. Thanks ah.. allow all traffic... wow nice long term solutions buddy. USELESS!

In the end had to trial and error but thank God ! first try and everything went well. Time to resolve the problem 8 mins. LOL! Lucky my skills aren't that rusty after all. Stupid person REALLY useless. Technical Details are not want i needed. What I want was steps and procedures!

Before lunch spoke to my covering manager and she finally graded me for my interim session! >.< Hope she gives me a good grade... I slog too far and too much to get a lousy grade. 5 % is that hard to achieve when the competition is like 95% against you. Bah!

After work when to meet the "Fortune Teller". Got the stuff from her and WHOO hahaha WHOO WHOO WHOO. It's spicy girl! Next time just order that hahaha... and half of the whole thing girl hahaha. NO worries at least the treat ain't that bad.. haha Time to learn to like the sauce XD.

-Eileen- You just need to be more confident in yourself. Don't try too much to out shine someone until u forget why you are doing it. You should know I am always at your service, anytime anyplace.

-XT- Thanks for the Kola bear. Your XXXXXX are greatly needed in time to come. =)

-Esther- Brighten up, How does a K session sounds after the next sem? Wait till then I will definitely bring someone on par to PK with you and PY de XD! Unless he really cant make it then i shall pair with u okie?

-Si'en- Guess tml's the checkup... Stay healthy always...

-Sorida- Welcome back girl! Do I sense presents? XD

-Vanessa- Await your return. Remember the BOOZE XD I want Limited edition de!

Hearts Burst into Fire

So Scream, Aim & Fire!

Shocked

2008-06-22T23:53:00.002+08:00

Present from Eileen.

Wow. Didn't really noticed... that my bag had this. Sneaky ah... princess.. sneaky...Hai yo.. tell u no need to buy for me le .. still buy... Bsh

Well for now I'm tanned a bit due to crazy basketball 'ing in the super hot afternoon sun. Gr... Youngerters these days... anyhow. Go for it la Ting yu no need to anyhow come out with patterns so that the BVSS sch team can look at you. HAHA!

Sat... was.. ya.. moving on.

Today.. was simple. Had a nice rest. Now tml's the problem.

Time to get busy and put my concentration on to work.

No place, No standing.

What else is there left to say.

A reaction is all that I'm hoping for.

2008-06-19T21:18:00.003+08:00

It's another sleepless Wednesday night once again. Went to ton with Mark and Siao. Reece the place of downtown east newest shopping centre. The bowling alley was kinda cool, other then that the indoor faris wheel would be another thing to look at. The arcade is still kinda boring but at least they had M3 's Jap version instead of the international one. Considering to spurge 80$ to like get an unshaded Gambella, maybe just maybe. Died at like 2:50 plus. Can't believe i'm weaker then them sianz. But for the meeting haha sorry dudes >.<

Went to work like a half zombie. Worst thing that happened when i go to the office, I realise i didn't bring any socks >.<" Heck. Somehow managed to survived the day and the super long meeting. Just the meeting really got me to straighten my mindset on IT. It's do, or get owned. Gotten more stress on SOP. There's a reason why procedures are there, I mustn't waste this chance to set things into place. Basically the meeting has taught me 2 different ways of doing things. "Business" vs "technical" way of solving and implementing projects. That really stuck it's grasp in my mind.

Other stuff to really speak about would be... It doesn't matter what or how i blog. Like my freaking first post, I hate bloging the way other guys do. That's all ! Secondly, Pay is finally posted in. All that's left is to check it in and wait. Lastly, it doesn't matter if i take all the pressure and blame. Results are what you peeps want to see anyway.

As for tml... A warm welcome to a friend that's returning from Aus! WHOO you are finally back tml. HAHA Don't worry, Won't forget to escourt you out of the airport XD!

The things I do...

(No Name)

2008-06-17T22:53:00.002+08:00

The past days were kinda rough.. many things to do at work.. I'm being overworked again... Hai.. stress + more stress... can't get enough of it eh? My face is sprouting more nonsense... hai... i really do want to take care but it seems the body ain't letting me. I need a rest soon, after July 25 perhaps when the bloody T3 official opening is over and done with.

Mon- Went to see the dress again.. haha I can't believe that i am actually getting a dress for someone.... The only thing left to say is that the dress is super Nice. Fitting, nice-looking and has that touch of sexiness! Ush! haha...
Special thanks -
to Da Jie (Haha taking of photo + advice of a Lady)
to Esther (scouting for a dress at such short notice)
to Van (Being a model )

Guess the only thing left is to awaits the person's expression i guess.

As for today.. Normality is the word... Clerical duties as per norm but today... the serious thing that happen was the downtime for the wireless@SG. What the hell are they thinking... 10-12 which gives a down time of 2 hrs to rectify the problem. Can't we do sumthing to LD them for the long duration of downtime? Or did they did nothing at all. I bet they just restarted the router to default settings and set the authentication restrictions manually. WTH... Can't stand it... Nothing could be done today... Well was told to rest anyway by my boss.

Last thing to update would be that I am changing manager/supervisor again... Haiz... tell me it's me and i'll just do less ?? XD hahah... New manager's coming in the mid of July... Will the lady stay longer..? Will she grade me properly... I wonder... IS there anyone.. that knows how hard i work... and would they grade appropriately? Hard Life... or Sad life... wadever man wadever...

Dad just pissed me off... Don't know anything about a router dont freaking touch... same goes to my sis as well... What you don't see dosn't mean it's not there... Problems do exsist, just that you are lazy to rectify it. I've done wad i can so don't freaking tell me that I should do even more. Want more, pay more. -.-

请你给我多一点点时间

再多一点点问候

不要一切都带走

就请你给我多一点点空间

再多一点点温柔

不要让我如此难受...

Weekends

2008-06-15T00:13:00.003+08:00

Well friday was kinda tiring ... go sooooo much no brainer work to do... >.< V.sian de... fold letters... print and change letters.. etc... haiz.. been through like 1 major event le.. still give me one more... wth... i should be in events group then in airport system... hai.. .All the projects that are given to me are basically events related... test water my foot stupid course... never put stuff that is related... kao.. think we all noob ah... working life only.. been there done that... kao.. should just give relevant ones... if not why is a 6 mth attachment for in poly... stupid shit... waste 6 mths of my time...

Went to meet her after work... reach city hall like 6:38 ... yeap.. knew that she was meeting someone before hand so just chose to sit at the stairs.. somehow due to the heavy work stress felt tired and decided to just like slp.. till she came. haha awaken an hour later.. haha power rite... she is none other then En. hahaa... u zhai lor only one that made me wait that long.. zhai..

Well once i woke up it was like WOAH super a lot of people at city hall... sianz IT fair confirm a lot of people and turly it was.. standard... walk walk walk... see see see ... haiz didn't see any router... tho... due to certain reasons... but yea.. the others were kinda uselss.. En finally bought her VOIP headset...haha next time draw before hand... lol....

Dinner at Just noodles.. haha standard meals.. that are cheap with free flow of drinks and ice cream... UBER! haha no wonder it's my regular hang out joint. hahaha

Then got calls from esther.. regarding ******* and **** woah... shocker to me... Made me panic.. haha but well guess i have to crack my brain again.. haiz it's hard.. being nice.. it's even harder when more effort is put in. I wonder if all that i am doing is right... i can only say.. its worth the time and company for now... Confused i am.

Maybe it's time for me to realise... that... even what i do... i won't get recognition neither will i get credit. So what's the point of me stating this.. I don't really know.. - The Dream that I am... Everything is dramatic... and the list goes on and on...

Last thing to add... Received my Super ultra... belated wrong birthday gift. (2nd march changed to 23 march .. power... it's okie.. it's only my birthday niaz..)

Here's the CUTE Doggie..... IT REALLY CUTE

Sooooooooooooooooo Cute rite... Thanks... Si'en.. =)

It shall join the ranks with money face.. xD

I wonder if there's a reward that awaits me.

Hopes must not be high

For i know

there is

none.

Ladies Night

2008-06-12T22:42:00.003+08:00

Went clubing yesterday. So far.. it's about 38 hours of not slping...

HAHA for start it's been like 4 mths plus since i last club and I kinda enjoyed it on ladies night.. hahaha KEna drag by esther... haha it was "her first time" clubing.. haha can tell that she expected a lot haha but yea she did get quite "a fair bit" haha

Went to MOS for her first time.. and boy it was so dead before 11 haha maybe the office ladies needed time to like get off work and throw away thier shyness to like party the night away. Well for starters things were the usual before midnight haha it was dam slow... worst still the guys that went there all street people with the "I want to grind girl attitude"... haiz yo... youngsters... haha worst still... grind people also macham like leech like that... like half an hour not enough but FOR 2 HOURS... U GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.. Even that's a turn off... -.-

Weird uncles were there as well... only want to touch girls.. -.- uncle lei.. rich so wad... wa lu... get a better dress sense la... Ang mohs as well.. go around touching here and there... =.= - in short... yea the club was normal.. haha Interesting thing to note that... I WAS IN THE CENTRE OF THE GIRLS.. O.O haha... Danced with my jie mei and her friend haha then kena surrounded by girls... IT's the TIe esther .. it has to be.. HAHA

And the funny thing is.. I kena grinded instead.. lol.. makes me look bad uh.. haha but as i promised that night was to protect my girls .. that's all... I did go and hook myself up with the CAp girl hor! ... Regretting haha

MAin attraction was... CUP OF LIFE!!! WHOOOO they blew cold air till u can't see... like really cannot see your hand infront of you... haha SWEE Shiok!! haha ... And of cause It's raining hahaha by raihanah's umbrella song... something to cool the peeps off haha... See how ba.. the next ladies night would most prob be at St James?? haha... hope to "let loose" there haha but the chances are low...

Sis just came in to bug me about router and IT info... saying:" I don't have time should the router spoil" please.... it's like a freaking 10 mins walk to the place to change the bloody router...

Hai.. not much mood left to blog..

Xt - thanks girl for the booze... will pay ya soon K ? When's a good day for you?

Eilm- Will fix your linkie tml... today quite tired...

Si'en - Have a fun and wild night at St james tonite ya? =)

Esther- Don't fall more ill k? and also Enjoy? Really sorry for not being able to 100% ******* you.. >.<" HAHA regrads to youjr sleepy friend :P

Eileen - Surely there's something u can do. Enjoy yojur remaining holidays.

Shall end off with this line... Maybe I should just step back.

Zero ... you won't tell me the answer

Act VIII part 2

2008-06-09T01:28:00.001+08:00

Ok.. that;s for friday...only.. Today... Slept a while but was awken by the rain in the moring.. sianz lor... then couldn't go back to slp le.. ZZzzz hiaz.. Went online... to chat... then sleep ... again.. anime for the win for sleepless people... haha! Went to town.. in the early afternoon... for a battle then headed home.. kao.. then changed and then took a bike down to eshter's place to meet for dinner.. haha... went parkway's arcade.. lor! wa lu ah... haha 70$ spent before my eyes! BUT ESTHER ROCKS!!! WHOOOOOO JACKPOT SO MANY TIMES SIA! HAHA and even got 4 puppies.. haha and a ton of sweets.. haha CHOCs... as well PRO!!! I defiantely take back my words.. hahah DEFINATELY. You humble servant awaits your orders. SHE GOT ME

GUNDAM. SWEE MAN
ESTHER ESTHER ESTHER!

Then we went to her place to catch the MAO MAO show.. haha STUPID channel 5 .. with the you know wad.. and the you know who... hahaha ESTHER SEE... MOSt guys are straight just that the innner gay is within them XD SHORTs for the win! hAHA SEXY SIA! Went to table 5 after that for the ******* haha.

WEll.. talked a lot... Like super... mostly on what happen during the few wks of our lives.. haha all i can say is... I am too soft... and your aura.. is too big.. haha the rest ARE cENsored!!! XD ESTHER table 5 next week agian K ? XD
Well after this long post... it made me think quite a lot...basically it's time to just step back and look at the bigger picture... loads of things are on my mind right now..

Eileen - Sorry ... truly.. you should be the one saying that.. I shld... so.. ya.. dont blame yourself or anything ok... Right now... We both know.. there is something wrong.. but what's done is done.. so the only thing is.. we can look forward... ok ??? so please cheer up.... =) Dont Emo!

Esther- ALL hail... ESTHER scooper PRO! ESTHER... ESTHER... ESTHER.... YOU ROCK. Nedd i say more?

MArk- Dude.. haha I know... GFs dont come from a tree.. we cant anyhow just pluck.. But whatever the case.. At least we know who we would protect and shield.. Haven't drank with you since u turned 18... haha So yea.. dont worry.. the day is comming soon... i would definately pass u my mixing skills... XD

Kai wei - Thanks dude for your bike.. haa =)

###### - Maybe... we ought to take things slowly??? haha just a thought

****** - I await your return Girl!... =) Soon.. soon..
%%%%%%% - HAHA we shall SEe who fears who when we are drunk... I won't let you near me GIRL haha .. So you better watch out!

@@@@@- COme back soon Ya? Can't wait to see you!

There is no hate,
only joy
For you are beloved by the goddess
Hero of the dawn,
Healer of worlds
The goddess descends from the sky
Wings of light and dark spread afar
She guides us to bliss,
her gift everlasting

2008-06-08T04:00:00.003+08:00

Pictures of the Gundam!

Esther YOu ROcK!
Love Ya! <3
Thanks for this GIFT =)

ACT VIII

2008-06-08T03:13:00.003+08:00

Well on firday work was normal.. haha slacking my day off.. well.. there wasn't really anything to do.. SOP also not up... and other clerical stuff were boring the hell out of me... Lucky for my laptop... haha but still... it should not go on like this... slack period is slack... then busy is really busy till the cows won't come home... haiz.. Stability... is needed.. 2 people in a unit... ain't that cool... haiz

Ok moving on, went to meet Vanessa first after work.. haha She saw me dRewl... Wad the...! Esther... see la on the phone with u every time like that de... kao eh... your ability... ah... anyhow...spam... make my speech blur and sluggish.. worst of all your death stare ... wa lu... <<>> need i say more... haha... intro the girls a Block puzzle game hahaha ... Cope from the uni students.. they really have time to think and loads of it.. xD

Then rushed off to meet En .. hahah Cant believe she arrived so early... hahah 36 was fast... haha.... Brought her ard T3 ... haha like guide like that.. lol... then we stop at haris... looked at some books... 'The "HOW" of happiness' haha random pages that i flip were relevant to her ... Wad the... Must reduce my luck... haha.. .Oh yea.. SHE WORE my RING AGAIN lol... once a luck limiter now a luck amplifier? WEll hope it helps... and yes... confrim.. wont fade .. -reminder part 2... then went on to glance at transit... Really wish could bring u in... more stuff to show u... then went on to walk... through the shops at the 3rd lvl... haha finally decide to go to T1... haha

At T1... haha quite a large site.. awaits us.. It was a prep for a Hagi tour... LOADS of people were at T1 departure hall... all malays that were going for the meka trip.. haha it was a first sight for her... but for me haha this happens once in awhile haha. Then squeeze through the huge crowd... show her the T1 popeye area.. then went to see the viewing mall at T1 ...haha few people head there nowadays.. it's a sad thing... but anyways... just stop there for a while as En was hungry... went to buy sushi.. haha.. my treat... dont worry... u spend 30$ for your fine... already.. so I just did the right thing to do by making u spend less.. see NICE rite... hahah ok the went to the T1 canteen and ate JAP food haha... still say dont want to eat rice... nonsense... YOUR NOT FAT!
Ok... show her some nice food in the canteen and had quite a chat over dinner.. EN ah.. Spitfire lei you... haha since when?! haha Stunned sia... energy bursting from you.. haha Then went to T2 to walk after dinner

At T2 went to spy on esther!! haha way cool rite.. haha ... See called to tell you not to ******* censored.. hahas Scandal sia!! hahaha aWWWWWWW ok moving on.. went to shops at T2 and showed her some nice eating spots..then went to the viewing place to see more planes... and yea chat quite a bit there as well... then we went to see some perfumes.. hahah CHEAP rite.. haha WEll it gets cheaper with staff discount XD! Ok then went to the HUT that they made for landscaping .. haha it was wonderful... "fake" feel of batam!? haha well yea.. took pictures.. haha until esther came finding for me... WA at first never see us de lor then suddenly walk in ... STUned ! haha Well.. since u found us.. haha Take pics girl! XD after pic taking went to Say Hi to her ex.. HAHA Darren.. haha Well... not really the best of tones... but... ******* censored.. haha ESther ah esther... hahah Ok bid my goodbyes.. and went to sent En home...

Quite Zhi lian on the mrt ... but heck... for the memories haha Did you realise we neva took pictures for QUITE some time.. haha but anyways.. moving on... yea.. then it was a listening to song ride.. to J.E. Then.. it was sending her home to the stairs.. WOn't fade... Part.3 ... M.I.A dosn't mean dont show care and concern.. It's because there is a distance, that's why you can care freely... then went to have supper with my Jr... haha... Steady... Lepak and Mamak for the WIN ! =) Thnx dude... respect.. =) We both seriously need to find a proper GF. haha Conclusion that we arrived to >.<". At the end of the day.. having a GF is defiantely... the ultimate goal after treating all our Jie Mei ~~properly.. (They jsut love to rub that fact in don't they.. treat jie mei sooooo good then treat GF surely.. better... Haiz.. no GF ... dont rub it in girls...) And that was the end of the night...~~

IT's Friday

2008-06-06T16:01:00.002+08:00

Dress up to the eyes,
its a wonderful surprise.
To see your shoes and your spirits rise,
throwing out your frown
and just smilling at the sound.
And as sleek as a shriek,
spinning round and round,
always take a big bite.
Its such a gorgeous sight
to see you eat in the middle of the night.
You can never get enough,
enough of this stuff.
Its friday!
Im in love

Act VII

2008-06-03T15:47:00.003+08:00

Back... haha Well that was quite a week. Been quite busy if you know what i mean. Quite lazy to log in in the middle of the night just to post... oh well.. It's a week anyways haha...

Ok time for some updates... Well the past week was kinda fun/interesting. Everything was quite ok with work.. work load seems to be getting to a bare minimum.. Ah... Trying not to sleep in the work place as well ... hahah... It's either they overwork you or you have nothing at all.. haiz yo eh... wish that workload was constant.

Apart from that other stuff happen along the week as well.. bascially problems are not being solved. You people (you know who you are) are really... haiz speechless... Well.. will respond to that later in the post ... haiz what have you people done...

Moving on... Kao spending $$ like water... Think by the end of the attchement i would be wearing either branded goods or posh stuff... some might think it's showing off while other might think that i finally move on to better stuff hahaha either way heck... i am going to change what i want to change. Will anyone end my shopping spree ... nah... It's even worst with the GSS sales going on.. haha after the clothes and stuff are bought, it's time to train and get bigger.. heavier doesn't help.. haha..

Friday.. was a bit weird.. went out with esther... haha kao the lady is one hell of a customer.. haha Sorry la never drink till u drunk.. haha too bad... who ask your bartender anyhow.. haha AWW the way he .... XXXXXXX censored... hahaha.... AND YOU CRIED LOR! wa lu..... kns... in front of me somemore.. wa lu... anyhow sia.... RANDOM!!! ARGH!! take my motto and shit on it rite..or should i say use it as a tissue... wa lu... Fine.. for that night i shall forgive you... >.<" argh... hahaha oh oh .. you should have saw the fight at the coffee stall fierce sia that local girl.. haha like macham high class ah lian.. haha well saw until the mug fly then took cab home le.. haha. All in all that pub ok la.. wonders if I can use the VIP box... hmm.. haha! :P just a thought... XD Then it was the weekend before you know it... On Sat when to coach XT for in4 ... haiyo... still can anyhow.. haha then test like that..haiz SUAY sia you.. haha AWW!!! I taught you lei... must not let the standard drop... haha...if not i no face.. haha then went to play MAxTune 3 after that to enjoy.. haha Fierce sia that match right a not... XT haha KUKU players around.. heh... well next time when got time will go back and challenge haha Next TIme .. hahaha which is soon anyways... no way am i going to lose by 2m again man... Ok moving on...the rest of the week till today was kinda ok.. and normal i guess.. so... should be fine.... Well Definately wont be a father so soon peeps NO WAY! I won't fall to sin ... definitely won't! Xt - You cant spell international XD!!! :P AWW haha and did you ask your Piggy the question haha... exciting rite.. =) Winks* haha well well.. Did he say yes or no ^.- hahaha Eileen - Sorry if i misled you into thinking anything else. I didn't give a false impression or accused you of anything that you're not. Shall just stay mum... and slowly .. fade out ba.. if that's the case. Esther- Wait la girl... be drunk when you're with your boyfriend la. Safer..haha if not the Bartender can also *Winks* HAHA SCANDAL!!!! Si'en - Girl... next time don't be indecisive... All the best for your common test... And don't stress anymore can... Although "its" a form of releasing, but when its used too much... it's no longer just letting it go anymore... it turns to sorrow which leads to sadness and emptiness... I don't want to see u that way ya... OH OH OH ... almost forgot... I AM RELATED TO HER!!! WHAT the.... SHOCKED... (Family secret) ... SIanz.. Well i shall see if i want to reveal it or not.

Just stay with me Zero.

ACT VI

2008-05-27T00:15:00.003+08:00

MC for today.. Sianz.. Body's really weak.. Finally moved my body to go see a doctor. Well got the usual medicine and stuff.. hiaz When will i be back in the pink of health.. seems long.... Hard to say... but oh well.. Still gona decide if I should Take 6 mth of pro-long medication... Funny isn't it, done it once.. yet now.. it's back again... Hmm.. need to think..

Well rested quite well today.. abt 14 hours of it was spent sleeping... haha Hopefully will be able to attend work later.. hahah oh my.. haha I should be sleeping. Medication's taking a bit long to kick in... haha

Lastly.. En cried.. again... where else over the phone... Wa... She really know how to crush a person's motto and like eat it up, spit it out and step on it and then take it to be hurled out with the trash.. ( No offense, Expression ) Haiz.. Girl.. why so stress... sooo not you... hai yo.. All the best for your studies la.. Just promise me that you don't repeat year 1 can le... u can sore de... just dont get tied down by stuff that would weaken u. GO FOR YOUR CHECK UP AS WELL!

Next, ESTHER... KAo U ah... NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE the aura you're giving out, It's almost like you Can't Fight the Moonlight. XD!! (Winks*)

Xt- Yes yes... You better study... Will coach you... YOU BETTER SCORE I Teaching you personally lei. YOU HAVE BETTER PASS AND TREAT ME GIRL!

Eileen- HAI YO... Since when have i ever stood anyone up. More or less is people... make me wait... cancel last min ... and such.. so i know it's not good to stood people up. Don't worry... not much movies left to watch anyway hahah since we like pia most of the ones out there le haha.

Finally... I think maybe it's time.. to really.. get serious.. MAYBE...

Dreams of the morrow hath shattered soul
Pride is Lost.
Wings stripped away, the end is nigh
Such is... the fate of a monster. (6 mth of medication??)

如果我忘了我,请帮忙记得我

ACT V

2008-05-25T23:19:00.002+08:00

Haha... to all the ones who were waiting for a new post... haha sorry bout the uber long time it took to post. Been very very.. very... sick.. Fever, flu ,Sore-throat Yea that concludes the package deal.

The week was great up until i fall sick. Haiz... Surpose to do a lot of stuff during the week like meet people to go out, chill, and have fun.. But yet... OH well.. So much for forward planning.
Seems as though No matter what I plan for myself... it all goes down the drain.

Point to note... I think i should draw things clear with her... Altho yes she is tempting me into something that i haven't really experience before.. but ya... i think it's best not to... (Should you ever read this post... er.. Don't be sad... It's just that I don't think u want a weak me). Ok the rest is censored.

Moving on... Went out for movie with eileen on friday... haha altho yes i admit i was stupid enough to meet you while i was having a high fever... I never stood you up... so... haha think it was worth it.. Sorry for making you angry. Next time... must eat more ok.. Another point reagrding to this is.. I don't really care about hiding or dodging anyhting from you know who.. Becuz... this is seriously... not what any of us had in mind now isn't it... Heck la... If ask then ask lor... Just say.

Ok next... Esther ah esther.... Firstly let me just say... WA Lu! YOU AH... SCADAL SIA!!! How can you... haha YOu know that you have the aura... yet go around... unleasing it unknowingly.... wa ... how can... "He" will definately feel sad de lor.... confrim + Chop! As for the scary V-neck tracer...haha... erm... confrim it's the bounce Winks* hahhaha!!!

Lastly... I think i am super week.. need to really get back into the pink of health.... seriously... it's... definately becuz of my sis... DEFINATELY>>> wa lu.... Haiz bo bian la... since neither one wants to take care of me... i shall just have to rely on myself... Yes... It's that pathetic.... Haiz..

Guess what i am trying to say here is... Important I am not, but expendable I am...

Xt - Ok OK i will listen to your advice.... After much .. thinking... Maybe just maybe... I might not run away... this time... but I am telling you... Should i Fall... I don't think i would get back up again.

The prisoner departs with his newfound love
And embarks on a new journey.

...Zero...

Tell me

Act IV

2008-05-19T01:58:00.005+08:00

Well, it's been a long time since post something. Sorry about that. Well the week was fine.. with eveything going quite well for work.Basically had to attend really a lot of meetings. Most of them quite technical and quite long. Man... it's like million dollars projects takes a huge chunk of planning but yet the procedues are technical?! Well i am gona just leave that to the experts man... Asc Tables... crap... Why would they do checksums... with just a random example.. weird! Haiz what to do.. Hope i get a solid project soon.. When the contractors get back with that flow chart.... SOP ---> must make it so zhai that i will leave my in charge speechless! Went to a pulping company on fri!

SWEE man... that place destructs confi doccuments. Best of all got like 3/4 of the day off.. haha Life is definately... wonderful. Haha Sry eileen couldn't post all this on thus might have to start a new trend on when i post ba. HAHA . Pink Princess aah.. PS us on fri... wa lau.... GEt WeLl ya?! kns.. stressing up is bad for the body ...

Friday - Went to MS AGAIN! haha... Eileen u power la... ok ... i know u wanted to eat at fins hahaha... aww... well ... haha there's always a next time. Sorry for making you wait at the GV... u really never tell me what time to meet u ma... I made you Wait (x3) so.. will make up to umy the round round thing. *coughs* Flyer*coughs* Ended up eating at Just Noodles.. haha THey have free flow of ice cream now! haha prices has gone up there to like 7.50 a set... with the cheapest at 5.90... but still it's good! HAHA LEPAK place from now on... ice cream festa! Hai.. Now that dear princess knows a lot about me... which is either good or bad... If only... "He" is not in the picture... Wow sounds wrong... haha anyhow... but i still regrad him as a friend la.. Sometimes... forgive and move on is the best policy..

It was a super emo day on sat! and it began after friday's 12 midnight!Haiz.. Chest pains... since thus... everything started to become emo'ish.. haiz ... A year has passed... and many things had happen. Why the chest pain one might ask.. well having recovered from TB is kinda good and something to be proud of when your at stage 3... but... the feeling of me getting it again is just way too much... my chest really hurt.... i mean to the point that breathing was a difficulty... really... panting away on my bed... unable to turn left or right... right chest stings like hell.... what... went wrong... i wouldn't know... all i know is... I actually afraid that i might just pass out... and not see the sunrise again... so that's why on fri.. i went to the beach and await for a sunrise...

In the end could't see...one... emoed even more... went off from the beach to my friend's shop to get a white rose for my other friend. Headed off to CCK to vist my friend's grave. A year... A long hard year... Tribute to my friend... sat there with a bottle of wine... drank.. it with him... and chatted or rather talked to myself... for like the entire morning... said my condolences to his family... then went back to east coast beach... The sight of the accident has really burnt itself into my eyes... i wont say i will forget that day but i will say... that i will soon.. let it be in my memories forever. Stayed at the beach for the rest of the afternoon... Thinking through what my life is about and how my future will be like... Prayed and prayed... that i wont get the illness... i mustn't have... I can't be a burden again... Dang! it's sooooo not me!!! aRGH can't believe i am blog about this!BAH!

A very big thank you goes to mark.. thanks for calling me out on that weak weak evening.. altho i bleed due to siao... but its ok... Let's see if she slaps me ya? haha i make sure she kisses the floor. Thanks man... touched that u went to pei me ... applaudes BUT HOWEVER YOU MADE ME WALK BACK AND FORTH WITH MY WEAK LUNGS JUST TO TAKE YOUR PHONE BACK.. PLUS PUTTING MY LIFE IN MORE DANGER WHEN SIAO IS THERE. BAH!
OTHER THEN THAT.... yea... it was good ... even walked all the way back... steady man .. you.. and my tie is still with u... baka!

Haiz there are more that i would like to say... but i just cant.. the stuff that i want to do i can't, why... because people dont want me to do.. the things that i want to buy also cant... why... because i am surpose to like the one not spending $$ ... wad the... Also when i want to just let my heart cry out.. also cant why... casue u people keep telling me not to emo... Conclusion... I shall be emotionless. That settles everything rite..

My friend, the fates are cruel
There are no dreams, no honor remains
The arrow has left the bow of the goddess
My soul, corrupted by vengeance
Hath endured torment, to find the end of the journey
In my own salvation
And your eternal slumber
Legend shall speak
Of sacrifice at world’s end
The wind sails over the water’s surface
Quietly, but surely

Freezing of my heart and emotions.

Act III

2008-05-13T00:14:00.002+08:00

Mad rush ! Didn't sleep for a day again. Since Monday early morning, I've been like rushing my interim report for my attachment. Something is seriously wrong with the school. No standard guidelines on how the report should be written. Looks like this is the difference between a poly student and an Uni student. Uni people have much lesser to write 2000 - 5000 word limit?! Whereas poly people have like what 40 pages quota ! Shesh... not to mention the fact that uni have strict guidelines to write their report.

Finally filled the quota of like 40 pages. Thank God for the invention of the high resolution cameras.. haha That nicely took up like the last 12 pages of my report. Although i do have to agree that my report ain't a report, but what to do... All i can do is o wait for my L.O to like look through it and get back to me asap. I must get an A to show my dad that your logic will not apply to me. I will pass and get the freaking diploma unlike you.

Hmm have a feeling this is gona be short... almost KOing haha. Well it's great that today the people that i don't want to speak to never did speak to me. Work was Fun and full of surprises haha. Will have to attend a meeting tml or should i say today. Looks like this is quite a something for me as it concerns mainly the big shots for the IT projects. Haiz hope I will be of use today. Did some light weights training at home went i got back today. Maybe i should do this constantly... but i don't want to be lean.. I really need to put on some pounds and yes i mean pounds.

Well i think i should end it off now.. Lots of stuff are coming. I am still deciding whether or not to get a decent nice looking watch for myself and also a nice pair of working shoes. Hopefully for the 3rd time I can get what I want. Update on some other stuff as well : 9387**** line is also up =) contact me there peeps! 2: Heart's beginning to freeze up to cover for the wounds I guess. Lastly : I have the urge to travel overseas. (wonder how did that came about)

Condolences to my covering Supervisor for the lost of a love one
Get well my ever awesome In-Charge (Fidaus yes it's you!) -Prepare to lie down :P

My friend, the fates are cruel
There are no dreams, no honor remains.
The arrow has left the bow of the goddess...
Legend shall speak,
Of sacrifice at world’s end.
The wind sails over the water’s surface.
Quietly, but surely...

Zero...I...

ACT II

2008-05-11T01:41:00.005+08:00

Well well well... Haha looks like it's hard for me to post everyday. Haha! Ok the Past 3 days hve reallys been a super life sucker. My body has taken the toll of work ,stress and tireness. But.. i shall not allow myself tofall ill again!

Firstly, Thursday was kinda a weird day, work was normal and enjoying the attachment life! Haha THANK YOU soooo much man Fidaus! Should u ever read this post this line applies to you! Just lay down and die man!(Referring to bleach 4 characters) Oh oh oh... Look out in the month of may dudes. I am getting a brand new watch somehow somewhere and its soon when the allowance from the attachment kicks in! Fidaus remember ah.. intro me good stuff man! XD Later on in the night .... well couple of people msg me. Firstly was my juniors haha Supper! whoooo yea... prata for the win! Besides that the 2 princess also did sms me , Si'en as well. Well En was trying to settle her problem i guess but why bugis ... hmmm i wonder.. haha Well anyways yeap told her that should anything happen i would rush down. i know all of you would think why would i waste time on her.. well to say or not it's up to me.. but so far i think only Eileen knows the real reason why if she remembers hahaha But point to note.. I am not courting her please get it straight u peeps! If i ever do, i will inform you ... but now the answer is NO. With that nicely cleared up... Spoke to esther over the phone hahaha KNS You made me drewl girl... It's WRONG! Wa lau and why would i actually confide stuff with u hmm... anyways... SHHH hahaha The agreement of table 5! Table 5 for the win! Oh ya Eileen msged as well saying of a meeting on friday. haha weird man!

Friday came and go like the wind only that stuff tagged along with it. I WAS EARLY FOR WORK ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT I DIDN'T BRING MY FREAKING LAPTOP ADAPTOR! rushed home to take it but yet..... haha wasted 1hr and 20 mins hahaha.... weird day... work was normal.... my covering supervisor didn't come in today.. so yeap... slacked BIG time...hahaha Report for my internship is comming up and i hope i do a good job.... 40 pages... ArGh... T.T Chated with Eileen on msn... haha first time in a while that i went out for an outing. Totally no idea how to plan such stuff le... AND TO YOU PEEPS ITS ONLY AN OUTING! NOT A DATE! ARGH>.... Yes... caught a movie What happens in Vegas...haha not bad... and yes it did cheer me up... princess... Hope it wasn't that bad for u as well. But not bad ah... Eileen... sneaky sia.... anyhow touch touch..ah.. haha later that guy's girlfriend come settle it with u hahah!!! AWWWWWWW XD!!!! After the movie.. really wanted to eat at Fin's!!! Haiz the place should have more seats on the in side man.... like seriously... NVM there will be another time girl...Ended up eating at HK cafe.. Chatted with her for quite sometime.. Well basically we spoke on some matters concerning us... as wrong as this may seem ITs not wad you people think! Yea... after that it was off home ... or so it seems....

Basically received a msg after that... saying that "she" needed to meet me asap... I of cuz found it weird why... she would suddenly want to meet me after all that has already happened... And the point is... It was settled Wasn't it?! Fine... didn't want myself to regret and so i went to meet "her". At first... it was to just to clarify some unfinished stuff (wad the hell man... i said whatever there is to le... and she wasn't listening?! -.-") The worst thing was that it was sooo late... and when it was done.. she asked if I could walk her back. Since it was that late...fine... walk her back... for the last time... (How the hell that I know this was the trap.... shit...). Reached her place... only to find that her mother was downstairs waiting for her... She invited me up... but i refused... but went on saying : Come up la! There are a lot of stuff we need to ask u about. Don't worry later we get uncle to drive u home. Wad the hell man... If i was as clear as I was now, i wouldn't have gone up. Stupid me! Sat down at the living and talked to both her parents.. ARGH it was tough... so i requested that she wasn't there to hear any of the incidents. I really let my mind loose.. and told them everything from start to end. Of cuz I myself received Rude remarks.. here and there but WTH Saying that I shouldn't have done anything to keep their daughter safe?! What kind of parents are u people! If you people dont want the responsibility of taking the fall for her who will... I didn't ask for anything from you people. So there wasn't a need for you to say that wad I did for her we wont compensate. After leting my mind losse I demanded to leave and YES was finally out of that hse. She came chasing after i reached the park.. wth... Like go back la... come after me for wad girl... -.- No link! Said words to me that sounded so sweet but carried wrong intentions inside them.

That was it... altho i didn't describe everything that was the juice of it. I just want to be left alone by her... is it so much to ask for... I am not the man in her life.. HE is... so go to him... not me... what ever i did for you , you didn't treasure or respected it , so wad's the point of regreting it now.2 years girl... 2 years... the blood i shed.... the scars i have and the countless nights of worrying for you... is all gone... so let it just stay in your memories while I just fade out of your life...

Went to my junior's place to crash... played games the whole night just to numb myself.. from feeling so so broken... Well that's all that happened during these 3 days.. A long sunday is ahead... Thank you lord for keeping me safe and sound all these while and yes i will abide in your words... come monday... it's gona be hectic again.. Till then... Godspeed!

Dreams of the morrow hath the shattered soul...
Pride is lost.
Wings stripped away,
The end is nigh..

ACT I

2008-05-08T00:21:00.002+08:00

Haiz... it's only a day and so much has passed. Work was normal. A lot has been done to this blog and maybe i should just discard it away just like that. Think the 2 princesses will kill me if I did so... haha... Well what or where should i start...

Firstly... settled things with my ex once and for all.. the pain... man the pain... It seems no matter wha i do... or how hard i try... it seems that it was the limit of how things were gona be. Never in my life have I shed blood for anyone else... she was the first. How many punches have i already taken... i wouldn't remember... but it all boils down to the fact that I did what was needed to, which was to protect her.. haiz... Scold me for being a fool... scold me for thinking whatit could have been. I just can't take it anymore... it has to end and it did. I wanted to not at least to allow her to cry but it seems we both cried in the end. Can u IMAGIN that, 2 eyes and not one... maybe I am changing (quoted and changed from Eileen's : The world's changing).

The pillar has now received major damages, I wonder how long can i still hold up, but i know i must... for if i fall the others who are on my support will fall as well... A few mins back En wrote: I won't Fall. Hasn't Fallen yet. Better not say it too early. There are more who could even breakdown... I am not being arrogrant about it... but why do i have so many people's weight on my shoulders... Sometimes I wonder... Am I being too nice.. or be just stupid...

Who knows... who knows...

Special thanks to Eileen for the "not giving up spirit". Really thanks girl... Shall reward you soon with the urm.. u know ... urm... *coughs* 35min ride *coughs*

Esther as well... for the conversation... and the "try this and that"... help =)

Well today (7/05/08), asked for half day from my boss... and went to work at 2. Even if it's wrong i got to harden my heart.... freeze it's emotions... Work stress can do wonders >.<
Really need to get it all into gear. Lecturer's comming today(08/05/08)... later at 3p.m... hopefully... it would be a quick meeeting... ah... almost forgot... went to the airport's T2 entertainment deck grand opening.. not bad... PS3 everywhere hahaha with HD TV as it's platform display... uber! haha then played BF2 with Shawn, Janson, and Farid.. haha... nice one.... make use of the ticket ratio ah... watch out XD... next time areial attacks are for sure...XD

Lastly... Thank you God for keeping my anger and health under control... I know you telling me some verses to be particular about... I pray that i can fullfill it... thanks for being there where no other one was there for me.. it gives me the strength to move on... I pray that you heal my broken heart.. and allow me to be stronger that what i used to be..

I will be back and be stronger... even if it takes a few weeks to be stable...

Even if the morrow is barren of promises
Nothing shall forestall my return
To become the dew that quenches the land
To spare the sands, the seas, the skies
I offer thee this silent sacrifice...

Prolouge

2008-05-06T17:04:00.000+08:00

Zero... looks like it's the new era now. Skins are what that matter now these days... A BIG BIG THANK YOU goes to the two princesses that help to get this blog up. Really... Thank You ! (bows)

Now for the first post....

Infinite in mystery is the gift of the goddess.
We seek it thus, and take it to the sky.
Ripples form on the water’s surface.
The wandering soul knows no rest.

It's been a while since I when star gazing. Feel like doing that again. It's been really a super long time since I did the stuff that I want to do. Why do i feel that way now? Simple.. Too many things has happen throughout this year. I think what shock most of you people is that I am actually blogging. Can't believe that it has engulfed me completely. Some might say that I am not in the right mind while others say that I am no longer the old me. In truth, the fact is I ain't me anymore. No longer the old Jackson that was kinda carefree and "guai" to a certain extend. Been through too many things and have now reached the stage where it's not that simple anymore.

What I want to do, I would normally do. But now I can't. I have to think for others, spare most of my thoughts so that the outcome could be a happy one. I am super tired of doing all this but I know i can't stop doing this. Should the pillar falls, all that is above the support of it falls with it. I know that I may have crossed some lines which I have drawn and I am quite guilty stricken about that. It seems i am becoming like a coward fearing this and that. Who knows.. I might even have IPS and i still cant get rid of it.

Been through a lot for the past 6 months with things that i could blog on for a while... but for now .. it seems that I have a role to play. But I will state this clearly once and for all. I will protect those that are dear and precious to me. With great force I would strike down on those that would cause harm to those love ones. Although I am sick and tired of being the one that knows information last, I will stay true to my word and YES people will try, but I Do.

What I want to say now would most probably be :

I am really out of energy, and i need someone or someplace to re-charge my energy.
Lord I know your the only one who can fill my soul, but is there that special someone that I could turn to on this mortally world for rest and love... Sometimes anger engulfs me while other times I ponder why things would have turn out this way even with me trying to prevent most of it from happening. God ... Have i not done enough... or have I failed you.... I need to know... what must be done... so as such will not happen to my love ones...

Please... Say it isn't so..

Zero...