Tuesday, May 27, 2008 ♥ ACT VI
MC for today..
Sianz.. Body's really weak.. Finally moved my body to go see a doctor. Well got the usual medicine and stuff..
hiaz When will i be back in the pink of health.. seems long.... Hard to say... but oh well.. Still
gona decide if I should Take 6
mth of pro-long medication... Funny isn't it, done it once.. yet now.. it's back again...
Hmm.. need to think..
Well rested quite well today..
abt 14 hours of it was spent sleeping...
haha Hopefully will be able to attend work later..
hahah oh my..
haha I should be sleeping. Medication's taking a bit long to kick in...
hahaLastly.. En cried.. again... where else over the phone...
Wa... She really know how to crush a person's motto and like eat it up, spit it out and step on it and then take it to be hurled out with the trash.. ( No offense, Expression )
Haiz.. Girl.. why so stress...
sooo not you...
hai yo.. All the best for your studies la.. Just promise me that you don't repeat year 1 can
le... u can sore
de... just
dont get tied down by stuff that would weaken u. GO FOR YOUR CHECK UP AS WELL!
Next, ESTHER...
KAo U ah... NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE the aura you're giving out, It's almost like you Can't Fight the Moonlight.
XD!! (Winks*)
Xt- Yes yes... You better study... Will coach you... YOU BETTER SCORE I Teaching you
personally lei. YOU HAVE BETTER PASS AND TREAT ME GIRL!
Eileen- HAI YO... Since when have i ever stood anyone up. More or less is people... make me wait... cancel last min ... and such.. so i know it's not good to stood people up. Don't worry... not much movies left to watch anyway hahah since we like pia most of the ones out there le haha.
Finally... I think maybe it's time.. to really.. get serious.. MAYBE...
Dreams of the morrow hath shattered soulPride is Lost.Wings stripped away, the end is nighSuch is... the fate of a monster. (6 mth of medication??)如果我忘了我,请帮忙记得我
Always ,
YOURS
Sunday, May 25, 2008 ♥ ACT V
Haha... to all the ones who were waiting for a new post... haha sorry bout the uber long time it took to post. Been very very.. very... sick.. Fever, flu ,Sore-throat Yea that concludes the package deal.
The week was great up until i fall sick. Haiz... Surpose to do a lot of stuff during the week like meet people to go out, chill, and have fun.. But yet... OH well.. So much for forward planning.
Seems as though No matter what I plan for myself... it all goes down the drain.
Point to note... I think i should draw things clear with her... Altho yes she is tempting me into something that i haven't really experience before.. but ya... i think it's best not to... (Should you ever read this post... er.. Don't be sad... It's just that I don't think u want a weak me). Ok the rest is censored.
Moving on... Went out for movie with eileen on friday... haha altho yes i admit i was stupid enough to meet you while i was having a high fever... I never stood you up... so... haha think it was worth it.. Sorry for making you angry. Next time... must eat more ok.. Another point reagrding to this is.. I don't really care about hiding or dodging anyhting from you know who.. Becuz... this is seriously... not what any of us had in mind now isn't it... Heck la... If ask then ask lor... Just say.
Ok next... Esther ah esther.... Firstly let me just say... WA Lu! YOU AH... SCADAL SIA!!! How can you... haha YOu know that you have the aura... yet go around... unleasing it unknowingly.... wa ... how can... "He" will definately feel sad de lor.... confrim + Chop! As for the scary V-neck tracer...haha... erm... confrim it's the bounce Winks* hahhaha!!!
Lastly... I think i am super week.. need to really get back into the pink of health.... seriously... it's... definately becuz of my sis... DEFINATELY>>> wa lu.... Haiz bo bian la... since neither one wants to take care of me... i shall just have to rely on myself... Yes... It's that pathetic.... Haiz..
Guess what i am trying to say here is... Important I am not, but expendable I am...
Xt - Ok OK i will listen to your advice.... After much .. thinking... Maybe just maybe... I might not run away... this time... but I am telling you... Should i Fall... I don't think i would get back up again.
The prisoner departs with his newfound loveAnd embarks on a new journey....Zero...
Tell me
Always ,
YOURS
Monday, May 19, 2008 ♥ Act IV
Well, it's been a long time since post something. Sorry about that. Well the week was fine.. with eveything going quite well for work.Basically had to attend really a lot of meetings. Most of them quite technical and quite long. Man... it's like million dollars projects takes a huge chunk of planning but yet the procedues are technical?! Well i am gona just leave that to the experts man... Asc Tables... crap... Why would they do checksums... with just a random example.. weird! Haiz what to do.. Hope i get a solid project soon.. When the contractors get back with that flow chart.... SOP ---> must make it so zhai that i will leave my in charge speechless! Went to a pulping company on fri!
SWEE man... that place destructs confi doccuments. Best of all got like 3/4 of the day off.. haha Life is definately... wonderful. Haha Sry eileen couldn't post all this on thus might have to start a new trend on when i post ba. HAHA . Pink Princess aah.. PS us on fri... wa lau.... GEt WeLl ya?! kns.. stressing up is bad for the body ...
Friday - Went to MS AGAIN! haha... Eileen u power la... ok ... i know u wanted to eat at fins hahaha... aww... well ... haha there's always a next time. Sorry for making you wait at the GV... u really never tell me what time to meet u ma... I made you Wait (x3) so.. will make up to umy the round round thing. *coughs* Flyer*coughs* Ended up eating at Just Noodles.. haha THey have free flow of ice cream now! haha prices has gone up there to like 7.50 a set... with the cheapest at 5.90... but still it's good! HAHA LEPAK place from now on... ice cream festa! Hai.. Now that dear princess knows a lot about me... which is either good or bad... If only... "He" is not in the picture... Wow sounds wrong... haha anyhow... but i still regrad him as a friend la.. Sometimes... forgive and move on is the best policy..
It was a super emo day on sat! and it began after friday's 12 midnight!Haiz.. Chest pains... since thus... everything started to become emo'ish.. haiz ... A year has passed... and many things had happen. Why the chest pain one might ask.. well having recovered from TB is kinda good and something to be proud of when your at stage 3... but... the feeling of me getting it again is just way too much... my chest really hurt.... i mean to the point that breathing was a difficulty... really... panting away on my bed... unable to turn left or right... right chest stings like hell.... what... went wrong... i wouldn't know... all i know is... I actually afraid that i might just pass out... and not see the sunrise again... so that's why on fri.. i went to the beach and await for a sunrise...
In the end could't see...one... emoed even more... went off from the beach to my friend's shop to get a white rose for my other friend. Headed off to CCK to vist my friend's grave. A year... A long hard year... Tribute to my friend... sat there with a bottle of wine... drank.. it with him... and chatted or rather talked to myself... for like the entire morning... said my condolences to his family... then went back to east coast beach... The sight of the accident has really burnt itself into my eyes... i wont say i will forget that day but i will say... that i will soon.. let it be in my memories forever. Stayed at the beach for the rest of the afternoon... Thinking through what my life is about and how my future will be like... Prayed and prayed... that i wont get the illness... i mustn't have... I can't be a burden again... Dang! it's sooooo not me!!! aRGH can't believe i am blog about this!BAH!
A very big thank you goes to mark.. thanks for calling me out on that weak weak evening.. altho i bleed due to siao... but its ok... Let's see if she slaps me ya? haha i make sure she kisses the floor. Thanks man... touched that u went to pei me ... applaudes
BUT HOWEVER YOU MADE ME WALK BACK AND FORTH WITH MY WEAK LUNGS JUST TO TAKE YOUR PHONE BACK.. PLUS PUTTING MY LIFE IN MORE DANGER WHEN SIAO IS THERE. BAH!OTHER THEN THAT.... yea... it was good ... even walked all the way back... steady man .. you.. and my tie is still with u... baka!
Haiz there are more that i would like to say... but i just cant.. the stuff that i want to do i can't, why... because people dont want me to do.. the things that i want to buy also cant... why... because i am surpose to like the one not spending $$ ... wad the... Also when i want to just let my heart cry out.. also cant why... casue u people keep telling me not to emo... Conclusion...
I shall be emotionless. That settles everything rite..
My friend, the fates are cruelThere are no dreams, no honor remainsThe arrow has left the bow of the goddess
My soul, corrupted by vengeanceHath endured torment, to find the end of the journeyIn my own salvationAnd your eternal slumber
Legend shall speakOf sacrifice at world’s endThe wind sails over the water’s surfaceQuietly, but surelyFreezing of my heart and emotions.
Always ,
YOURS
Tuesday, May 13, 2008 ♥ Act III
Mad rush ! Didn't sleep for a day again. Since Monday early morning, I've been like rushing my interim report for my attachment. Something is seriously wrong with the school. No standard guidelines on how the report should be written. Looks like this is the difference between a poly student and an Uni student. Uni people have much lesser to write 2000 - 5000 word limit?! Whereas poly people have like what 40 pages quota ! Shesh... not to mention the fact that uni have strict guidelines to write their report.
Finally filled the quota of like 40 pages. Thank God for the invention of the high resolution cameras.. haha That nicely took up like the last 12 pages of my report. Although i do have to agree that my report ain't a report, but what to do... All i can do is o wait for my L.O to like look through it and get back to me asap. I must get an A to show my dad that your logic will not apply to me. I will pass and get the freaking diploma unlike you.
Hmm have a feeling this is gona be short... almost KOing haha. Well it's great that today the people that i don't want to speak to never did speak to me. Work was Fun and full of surprises haha. Will have to attend a meeting tml or should i say today. Looks like this is quite a something for me as it concerns mainly the big shots for the IT projects. Haiz hope I will be of use today. Did some light weights training at home went i got back today. Maybe i should do this constantly... but i don't want to be lean.. I really need to put on some pounds and yes i mean pounds.
Well i think i should end it off now.. Lots of stuff are coming. I am still deciding whether or not to get a decent nice looking watch for myself and also a nice pair of working shoes. Hopefully for the 3rd time I can get what I want. Update on some other stuff as well : 9387**** line is also up =) contact me there peeps! 2: Heart's beginning to freeze up to cover for the wounds I guess. Lastly : I have the urge to travel overseas. (wonder how did that came about)
Condolences to my covering Supervisor for the lost of a love oneGet well my ever awesome In-Charge (Fidaus yes it's you!) -Prepare to lie down :PMy friend, the fates are cruelThere are no dreams, no honor remains.The arrow has left the bow of the goddess...Legend shall speak,Of sacrifice at world’s end.The wind sails over the water’s surface.Quietly, but surely...Zero...I...
Always ,
YOURS
Sunday, May 11, 2008 ♥ ACT II
Well well well... Haha looks like it's hard for me to post everyday. Haha! Ok the Past 3 days hve reallys been a super life sucker. My body has taken the toll of work ,stress and tireness. But.. i shall not allow myself tofall ill again!
Firstly, Thursday was kinda a weird day, work was normal and enjoying the attachment life! Haha THANK YOU soooo much man Fidaus! Should u ever read this post this line applies to you! Just lay down and die man!(Referring to bleach 4 characters) Oh oh oh... Look out in the month of may dudes. I am getting a brand new watch somehow somewhere and its soon when the allowance from the attachment kicks in! Fidaus remember ah.. intro me good stuff man! XD Later on in the night .... well couple of people msg me. Firstly was my juniors haha Supper! whoooo yea... prata for the win! Besides that the 2 princess also did sms me , Si'en as well. Well En was trying to settle her problem i guess but why bugis ... hmmm i wonder.. haha Well anyways yeap told her that should anything happen i would rush down. i know all of you would think why would i waste time on her.. well to say or not it's up to me.. but so far i think only Eileen knows the real reason why if she remembers hahaha But point to note.. I am not courting her please get it straight u peeps! If i ever do, i will inform you ... but now the answer is NO. With that nicely cleared up... Spoke to esther over the phone hahaha KNS You made me drewl girl... It's WRONG! Wa lau and why would i actually confide stuff with u hmm... anyways... SHHH hahaha The agreement of table 5! Table 5 for the win! Oh ya Eileen msged as well saying of a meeting on friday. haha weird man!
Friday came and go like the wind only that stuff tagged along with it. I WAS EARLY FOR WORK ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT I DIDN'T BRING MY FREAKING LAPTOP ADAPTOR! rushed home to take it but yet..... haha wasted 1hr and 20 mins hahaha.... weird day... work was normal.... my covering supervisor didn't come in today.. so yeap... slacked BIG time...hahaha Report for my internship is comming up and i hope i do a good job.... 40 pages... ArGh... T.T Chated with Eileen on msn... haha first time in a while that i went out for an outing. Totally no idea how to plan such stuff le... AND TO YOU PEEPS ITS ONLY AN OUTING! NOT A DATE! ARGH>.... Yes... caught a movie What happens in Vegas...haha not bad... and yes it did cheer me up... princess... Hope it wasn't that bad for u as well. But not bad ah... Eileen... sneaky sia.... anyhow touch touch..ah.. haha later that guy's girlfriend come settle it with u hahah!!! AWWWWWWW XD!!!! After the movie.. really wanted to eat at Fin's!!! Haiz the place should have more seats on the in side man.... like seriously... NVM there will be another time girl...Ended up eating at HK cafe.. Chatted with her for quite sometime.. Well basically we spoke on some matters concerning us... as wrong as this may seem ITs not wad you people think! Yea... after that it was off home ... or so it seems....
Basically received a msg after that... saying that "she" needed to meet me asap... I of cuz found it weird why... she would suddenly want to meet me after all that has already happened... And the point is... It was settled Wasn't it?! Fine... didn't want myself to regret and so i went to meet "her". At first... it was to just to clarify some unfinished stuff (wad the hell man... i said whatever there is to le... and she wasn't listening?! -.-") The worst thing was that it was sooo late... and when it was done.. she asked if I could walk her back. Since it was that late...fine... walk her back... for the last time... (How the hell that I know this was the trap.... shit...). Reached her place... only to find that her mother was downstairs waiting for her... She invited me up... but i refused... but went on saying : Come up la! There are a lot of stuff we need to ask u about. Don't worry later we get uncle to drive u home. Wad the hell man... If i was as clear as I was now, i wouldn't have gone up. Stupid me! Sat down at the living and talked to both her parents.. ARGH it was tough... so i requested that she wasn't there to hear any of the incidents. I really let my mind loose.. and told them everything from start to end. Of cuz I myself received Rude remarks.. here and there but WTH Saying that I shouldn't have done anything to keep their daughter safe?! What kind of parents are u people! If you people dont want the responsibility of taking the fall for her who will... I didn't ask for anything from you people. So there wasn't a need for you to say that wad I did for her we wont compensate. After leting my mind losse I demanded to leave and YES was finally out of that hse. She came chasing after i reached the park.. wth... Like go back la... come after me for wad girl... -.- No link! Said words to me that sounded so sweet but carried wrong intentions inside them.
That was it... altho i didn't describe everything that was the juice of it. I just want to be left alone by her... is it so much to ask for... I am not the man in her life.. HE is... so go to him... not me... what ever i did for you , you didn't treasure or respected it , so wad's the point of regreting it now.2 years girl... 2 years... the blood i shed.... the scars i have and the countless nights of worrying for you... is all gone... so let it just stay in your memories while I just fade out of your life...Went to my junior's place to crash... played games the whole night just to numb myself.. from feeling so so broken... Well that's all that happened during these 3 days.. A long sunday is ahead... Thank you lord for keeping me safe and sound all these while and yes i will abide in your words... come monday... it's gona be hectic again.. Till then... Godspeed!
Dreams of the morrow hath the shattered soul...Pride is lost.Wings stripped away, The end is nigh..
Always ,
YOURS
Thursday, May 8, 2008 ♥ ACT I
Haiz... it's only a day and so much has passed. Work was normal. A lot has been done to this blog and maybe i should just discard it away just like that. Think the 2 princesses will kill me if I did so... haha... Well what or where should i start...
Firstly... settled things with my ex once and for all.. the pain... man the pain... It seems no matter wha i do... or how hard i try... it seems that it was the limit of how things were gona be. Never in my life have I shed blood for anyone else... she was the first. How many punches have i already taken... i wouldn't remember... but it all boils down to the fact that I did what was needed to, which was to protect her.. haiz... Scold me for being a fool... scold me for thinking whatit could have been. I just can't take it anymore... it has to end and it did. I wanted to not at least to allow her to cry but it seems we both cried in the end. Can u IMAGIN that, 2 eyes and not one... maybe I am changing (quoted and changed from Eileen's : The world's changing).
The pillar has now received major damages, I wonder how long can i still hold up, but i know i must... for if i fall the others who are on my support will fall as well... A few mins back En wrote: I won't Fall. Hasn't Fallen yet. Better not say it too early. There are more who could even breakdown... I am not being arrogrant about it... but why do i have so many people's weight on my shoulders... Sometimes I wonder... Am I being too nice.. or be just stupid...
Who knows... who knows...
Special thanks to Eileen for the "not giving up spirit". Really thanks girl... Shall reward you soon with the urm.. u know ... urm... *coughs* 35min ride *coughs*
Esther as well... for the conversation... and the "try this and that"... help =)
Well today (7/05/08), asked for half day from my boss... and went to work at 2. Even if it's wrong i got to harden my heart.... freeze it's emotions... Work stress can do wonders >.<
Really need to get it all into gear. Lecturer's comming today(08/05/08)... later at 3p.m... hopefully... it would be a quick meeeting... ah... almost forgot... went to the airport's T2 entertainment deck grand opening.. not bad... PS3 everywhere hahaha with HD TV as it's platform display... uber! haha then played BF2 with Shawn, Janson, and Farid.. haha... nice one.... make use of the ticket ratio ah... watch out XD... next time areial attacks are for sure...XD
Lastly... Thank you God for keeping my anger and health under control... I know you telling me some verses to be particular about... I pray that i can fullfill it... thanks for being there where no other one was there for me.. it gives me the strength to move on... I pray that you heal my broken heart.. and allow me to be stronger that what i used to be..
I will be back and be stronger... even if it takes a few weeks to be stable...Even if the morrow is barren of promisesNothing shall forestall my returnTo become the dew that quenches the landTo spare the sands, the seas, the skiesI offer thee this silent sacrifice...
Always ,
YOURS
Tuesday, May 6, 2008 ♥ Prolouge
Zero... looks like it's the new era now. Skins are what that matter now these days... A BIG BIG THANK YOU goes to the two princesses that help to get this blog up. Really... Thank You ! (bows)Now for the first post.... Infinite in mystery is the gift of the goddess.We seek it thus, and take it to the sky.Ripples form on the water’s surface.The wandering soul knows no rest.It's been a while since I when star gazing. Feel like doing that again. It's been really a super long time since I did the stuff that I want to do. Why do i feel that way now? Simple.. Too many things has happen throughout this year. I think what shock most of you people is that I am actually blogging. Can't believe that it has engulfed me completely. Some might say that I am not in the right mind while others say that I am no longer the old me. In truth, the fact is I ain't me anymore. No longer the old Jackson that was kinda carefree and "guai" to a certain extend. Been through too many things and have now reached the stage where it's not that simple anymore.What I want to do, I would normally do. But now I can't. I have to think for others, spare most of my thoughts so that the outcome could be a happy one. I am super tired of doing all this but I know i can't stop doing this. Should the pillar falls, all that is above the support of it falls with it. I know that I may have crossed some lines which I have drawn and I am quite guilty stricken about that. It seems i am becoming like a coward fearing this and that. Who knows.. I might even have IPS and i still cant get rid of it. Been through a lot for the past 6 months with things that i could blog on for a while... but for now .. it seems that I have a role to play. But I will state this clearly once and for all. I will protect those that are dear and precious to me. With great force I would strike down on those that would cause harm to those love ones. Although I am sick and tired of being the one that knows information last, I will stay true to my word and YES people will try, but I Do. What I want to say now would most probably be :I am really out of energy, and i need someone or someplace to re-charge my energy.Lord I know your the only one who can fill my soul, but is there that special someone that I could turn to on this mortally world for rest and love... Sometimes anger engulfs me while other times I ponder why things would have turn out this way even with me trying to prevent most of it from happening. God ... Have i not done enough... or have I failed you.... I need to know... what must be done... so as such will not happen to my love ones...Please... Say it isn't so..Zero...
Always ,
YOURS