Wednesday, December 31, 2008 ♥ The last day of 08
The last day of 08 and I read this from my GF's blog.
i m .c.a.r.e.d.
will be seein daddy in the next following weeks....
having mixed feeling right now....
i HTDS....B... - have to do something?? but
i DWTLY.... - dont want to leave you?
i RLYVM... - really love you very much
i HNCIKY....B... - have no confidence in ??keeping?? you but
i WYCFH....B.... - ???????
i WTGIM....B...its not... - will try giving it my best its not
i CEMYHWUASOE....B.... - ????
i RRDWTLY.... - really really dont want to lose you
are u aware??
- Yes i am and I am trying to find out why.('-")
hoping dear's work is okie..
*loving u more n more...*
I don't know what's left to say. I'm puzzled.
Angry, Sad..Tiring day. yet such stuff.
Delighted, HappyTell me what's wrong.......
These emotions...Maybe just Maybe I'm not good enough for you?
Do you know how to treat me when I'm feeling that way?
Always ,
YOURS
Tuesday, December 30, 2008 ♥ The end is near.(Part 1)
The year is ending with just a few days left.
Many stuff has happened in this year.
From Sadness to happiness to sadness again.
Time just flew past just like that.
I guess i've changed somewhat even if i didn't want to.
Change is for the good, right? (I guess)
I've become unexplainable I guess.
As my nick goes, Bad start, Bad finishing.
I just really hope I can move on with things that happen.
Regrets , Regrets, Regrets. Promises , Promises , Promises.
The only thing left, take it all upon myself and move on. ( Gotta move on)
I'll be there for you people no matter what.
(Whatever means possible, front or shadows)Eileen, Esther, Si'en, Xin ting, Elim, GloriaI'll make sure that will happen.
( I swear I do)For I am not important, therefor it would happen.
Always ,
YOURS
Monday, December 22, 2008 ♥ Stuff.
Holidays are ard the conner with only like a few days left.
I guess this year would be quite a quiet one for me.
Hoping for anything extra this year?? Nope says me. Think I can live with that.
It's human nature after all ain't it?
Revamp of one of my few home grown recipes and yeap comments is definitely needed.
Guess I don't have much to say or at least I cant type it out here.
Really hoped that I could just move on, I really do. But somehow somewhere.. well and it goes on and on and on.
Maybe, just maybe.
Let's see whose the one
That could put a smile
on my face
this season.
~.~
Always ,
YOURS
Friday, December 19, 2008 ♥ My Voice, My thoughts, My feelings
This has gone too far, too off and too wrong. So i go the freaking plumbing problem fix. Solve the neighbor dispute of the leaking celling. Contacted HDB and screw them up. And now you freaking say that I go let them change the bloody stuff in the freaking house. PLEASE! Look at your freaking self. You think you bloody dam hell can go on early retirement with that freaking plan of yours? NO FUCKING WAY!
NO ONE GIVES A FUCK about anything in the freaking house? Fine so i took time off, didn't meet firends, didn't go back to sch, didn't continue doing the project at hand all for this. And yet you don't give a shit and only come in to whine on the problem after IT's DONE??? WHAT THE FUCK!
Firstly you dont give a dam about this family, You stop working why? Cause you couldn't be bothered about getting another job. You thought that you could have life easy now.. Think you work hard and all that. BUT GET IT STRAIGHT, YOU ARE NOT THAT FREAKING BIG. Smoke away all your $$$ thinking its infinite is it. THINK AGAIN. You cant even look at people straight in the face.
This shows me only one thing. No one cares. No one.
With a family that shows no signs of love, care , concern, what else is there to do? Certs certs certs.... thats all they want. Everything falls back onto the same line.
Life is not about the things you want.
It's about how you give others what they want.
Now my sis is back trying to be smart by calling the HDB again without even asking my view or status of our kitchen. So you care now a bit too late ah. Same thing. I'm not even noticeable. great so views are not respected. right.... Fine.... I not going to step out anymore. You people can just screw yourselfs and then try to unscrew.
1 day without eating, 1 night without sleep. Tell me please when can i rest. Just how much more can I take ? I really wonder. I said once that I was better in the shadows, Now I am out in the light it hurts, it really do.
Maybe just maybe I wasn't meant to be.
Always ,
YOURS
Thursday, December 18, 2008 ♥ More stuff
Went to bowl some balls on Tues. It was kinda fun to play bowling again. Jo met up with me and we threw 4 games into that warm cloudy afternoon.
HAHA Lost the first game for some
uber weird reason but the normal playing style is still there. Spare the first lining for the win! Then it was double
XXs for the 2
nd game and the 2 other games as well.
Sianz la almost got a turkey for the last game. So far my average for bowling doesn't seem to change yet. still hitting at
abt 127 - 130 per game. Dam.. seems kinda low. How i sure wish I could curl bowling balls and hitting strikes like a piece of cake and also having scores of like 200 + per game. Even at my best I only bowled a 191. AH!!! :-(
Commitment is what I want.Went for an early dinner next at
LJS. Man.. the chickens were like small shit! What the hell is
LJS doing! When were the chickens this small! Fires were soggy too. Ah.. BAH! Then the taught came to our mind to play pool. We wanted like only a couple of hours but we ended up playing buffet rates.
HAHA 6 hours of total
OWNAGE! MAN 22- 15 for 9 ball... ah.. crap i actually lost! and 9 -6 for pool
HAHA i won that at least. Seems like I am able to almost one cue in pool. Maybe
becuz that Jo seems like a super duper strong player. AH~ Shall
pract more soon my brother we shall enter a tournament.
Cycled back and dam it was good. Full outer and like on my piece of
crapy bike.
HAHA one hell of a work out!
Stayed home today and my
gf came over. Kitchen was totally flooded.
Stupid pipe problem. Got rid of the water like I was abandoning ship with a pail of water to make the place afloat. Sighs. This seem like way way too
cartoony.
Tml the pipe will be fix hope that bugger calls the town council and gets the pipe fixed.
Gyming tml at 11 man I sure need those eggs! Time to be strong, stay healthy and keep fit. Time to really get most of my shit together. I will not go down like this.
But you failed to realise that.You ask me why am I like that,
I replied you with the same answer, Stop and look at yourself
What have you become. Speak to me when you finally realise that.
Always ,
YOURS
Monday, December 15, 2008 ♥ Woot
Drank the night away.
Sang the night away.
and now Stoning the day away???
The question that one should now ask is... Why am I here ??
Always ,
YOURS
Saturday, December 13, 2008 ♥ Good Morning! and Hello Afternoon!
Haha second post his morning!. USH! Went gym in the morning and now cooling off at home! Feeling great. Long time since I felt this refreshed in the morning (more like long time since I woke up at 8 on a Sat) . HAHA
Showed mark how to do some simple circuit training. He still has some chest problems but well hope he toughen it out. Be consistent dude! You know who will support u from the back! USH! Hint hint.
Guess I stay home for the day. Nothing much and no one would need me anymore for the day I guess. Dear should be at the prize ceremony right now. Don't fall asleep just cuz your name is one of the last few. Glad that she did quite well.
I hope I dont pull her grades down =(1 week to go. Pushing my self to the max. Time to sun tan with some 30+ year old guys. LOL. Guess it's a sad fact that I can clique well with older people. Be it my mentality or personality, it dosn't matter. What does is that at least I can be "understooded". =)
Gona like do some more light training later in the afternoon should time permits. It's seriously time for a change. To be the old and fit me. Should I disappear, Should I be gone ? Time will tell. But I don't think 2 people will ever let me. (You know who U are).
Everybody's got their problems,
Everybody says the same thing to you.
It's just a matter of how you solve them,
And knowing how to change the things you've been through.
=)
Always ,
YOURS
Lots to say. But quite tired doing this simple skin. Adding stuff and getting the coding rite. Wonder why people post some weird coding when its like 70% complete. Will blog tml that's for sure. Many things I have not expressed yet. Time to really reflect.
It's getting harder,
Time to really buck up.
I really miss the good old fays.
Always ,
YOURS
Tuesday, December 9, 2008 ♥ After all this time....
The days that past, the events that went on, the things that happen... Many things left unsaid, many things left undone. Sometimes i wonder... are these all really happening. If so... why around me.
Sch's quite happening with all the things going ard. Groups come by and go so do people. WISP went well with assignment 1. A for that. LAb test for AR is like gone case... but with moderation i will get at least B + i think. Now WLT is like 17 hours away and nothin can get into my head. I wasted away 1 day by just slp it off. Why... aye... Simple.. I have stuff on my mind.
Really... what do i want from a girl. Most people want that special someone to be at their expectations and also there are those that ppl want to live up to their criteria. But somehow, even though i ask nothing at the start, i still changed to what i see fit to be with you. Sometimes i really wonder to myself... I 've gotten into this relationship because I have feelings for you. And I'm sure I 've gotten more and more attached to you. But to not spend impt dates and days with you is something I am strongly against. Being unable to hold your bag, send you home, and spend quality time is really ripping my heart to pieces.
How long would our love last?Putting that aside, I dont really want to talk much now. Study is what I need to do but yet my mind is clouded by these matters of the heart. I really need someone to pull me through these.
I really need you...There are those that would like to command a team but fail in thinking every possible outcome. Reflection is what he needs to do i guess. Teaming up with the ones you trust also needs some training. Nothing is absolute and nothing is written in stone.
And I don't want to lose you...I 've been gyming and now my current weight is 56.7 . 1.7 kg of muscles. Yet its not enough. MY blades are still weak and injured. My health is still weak. Yet I will try to be that strong me of the past. I really think I am no longer the Me that I would like to be. Wrong ideas, Wrong think, Lack of control, Lack of motivation, the inability to change to the one that i grew up to be. If being myself is not what is required, I just fade into the failing light. Without a sound, Without a trace making sure I won't affect your life.
My heart cries out...I really want to spend
The special days with you.
='(
Always ,
YOURS