Sunday, February 22, 2009 ♥
You could give someone you love everything and receive nothing in return.
You can endue the hardships of life with that someone only to find that it's all nothing but just pure endurance.
Acceptance is never on the top priority list.
I slowly running out of motivation, endurance, acceptance, and everything.
Guess that all that's important to you is my voice, my presence and me being there.
I was once sure... Now I'm just confuse.
I understand you by bit yet i can't seem to see that you try to understand me little by littleI' sick , tired, and worn out but yet you...
5 months and you still don't understand meWhat else must I do...Guess this is wad you call tough love.
Always ,
YOURS
Saturday, February 7, 2009 ♥ The day...
Ytd was quite an interesting day,
Had a serious talk with my girlfriend.
Well the incident is basically lying to me just to make muffins.
The talk was simple but evolved into more then that.
Realized that the past 5 mths plus quite life changing.
Was totally shocked and scatter when i heard she was totally fearful of the relationship.
And that she didn't "believe" in me. (in a sense).
I just that was all I could take and broke down into tears.
It made me realized that what ever I did was not enough to reduce or remove the fear in her.
But gave it an adverse effect and allowed things to get worst.
We talk things out in the end and I guess I reached the point in which I don't know how or what to do.
I can only say.. I'll be whoever you want me to be.
Ever changing would be the correct term to say.
Can't believe that I've lost the main origin of who I am.
Guess that's what you call a silly and stupid person.
Moving on to move recent events, well I just got stood up by mark... Called me to go over to do some installation and yet no response from his handphone and knocked on his door till his neighbour got a bit startled.
Another inicident was that on thus i failed my nafa... Even if the 5 stations I took had gold or silver points but i still could not finish the 2.4km run. Guess that this clearly show that i am longer the old me who could do it under 10 mins.
Sadly.. I retired on the third round at the time of 3mins 09 sec plus... due to serval chest pains... Time for some hard core training when i enter army i guess...
There's the annual gathering later on... Wonder If i have the mood but it seems I've lost all mood it seems... Mum's asking me why i didn'y eat the bread she made... Well simple... how u expect me to eat so little when i see no point in eating... Sometimes... I really wonder...
Guess the only thing left to do is basically rot, study, and be ever changing...
Many more things I would really like to say but i can't... i hate it.
When will I really think for myself.. and only me...
Grad's comming up real soon...
Army's not too far away..
Health is slowly going down the drain.
and yet all this seems to not matter to me.
For satifiying others are more important.
Not being the real me....
Always ,
YOURS
Sunday, February 1, 2009 ♥ It's come to this.
Simple things,
Complicated things.
Things that I can do,
Things I can't.
Stuff that I'm allowed to,
Stuff that I aren't.
Where is this going you might ask..
Sometimes I really wonder.
But then again... My goal still is...
So this is where I have to say...
Would you honestly take a chance with me and let me romance with you?
Life's such a troublesome fact.
People contradict themselves everyday, every time.
When will they realize that their emotions are always the one that let them cloud their view.
It's sad... really sad...
So what's left now, well it's simple.
I shall just stick to my goal with determination, motivation and none the less perseverance.
I've fallen.
But how far will i fall?
( will you be there like you said?)
That's the question.
I'm awake, I'm awake.
Till another time... Till another time...
Always ,
YOURS